Dorian has been out of diapers for 5 weeks now. He did great the first 3 weeks as long as I reminded him to go periodically (we had treats and a fun iPhone app and all that). He had a little trouble with the pooping, but we finally bribed him to do that (Thomas trains and matchbox cars). Then it started becoming a power struggle (he absolutely wouldn't go if i asked him to). I figured that was normal and he just needed me to stay out of it, so I stopped reminding him to go. He had a few accidents, but then actually started telling me when he needed to go, and for about 3 days i thought we were almost done.
But then, since he wouldn't go when I asked (like right before leaving the house), he started having accidents in the car, or while I was feeding Dexter or taking a shower and couldn't help him. I started taking away the trains he had earned whenever he had an accident. I didn't make a big deal out of it or try to make him feel bad, I just told him I was putting Thomas or Spencer back up on the wall. He seemed to understand why I was doing it, and how to earn them back, and didn't seem overly distressed about it.
But then I guess I started making a bigger deal out of him going by himself because I needed him to be able to go when I couldn't help him (and for the record, I knew he could do it by himself; I usually just sit by and watch when I am "helping" him). Maybe that was what ruined it? Because now, for about the past week and a half, he has just completely stopped going in the potty (unless grandma asks, he'll go for her!). Five accidents today, including one involving sticky poop (as opposed to the non-sticky kind, you know...sorry...TMI). Not a single success (oh, unless you count when he went for Grandma!). He knows what an accident is, and he will even sit in the bathroom after he gets cleaned up and count on his fingers "One: go in the potty, two: by myself, three: no accidents" (those are the 3 criteria I have given him for earning his Thomas and Spencer trains back). I don't get upset with him when he has an accident, I just clean him up and remind him to go in the potty next time. I think he knows what needs to be done, but is just pushing against any kind of control. I think.
I have asked him if he would rather just wear diapers, and he says no. He likes to wear underwear. But I did actually put him back in diapers for a couple of days last week and he didn't complain at all. In fact, he seemed a little more relaxed. I know every kid is different and all that, but I'd love to hear how you handled things with your potty-training kids (unless it's one of those, "she just climbed on the potty one day and we never went back to diapers" kind of stories...I don't need to hear those :) and how you dealt with similar challenges. Should I just go back to diapers for a few months and then try again? Or is it possible that we're getting really close and I should just hang in there?
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Alli has had times where it sounds similar. The thing that has worked best for her/me is to "race" to the bathroom. She does much better that way than when I ask her to go. I think you are doing a good job, just keep doing what you are doing. Alli definitely had her ups and downs, but just like you are doing I tried to stay calm and not make a big deal out of it and it seems like it is more up than down :).
I love how the cars are visible in the bathroom! What a great idea. Link had similar ups and downs. We finally went to pull-ups for a while when he was having so many accidents. They're more expensive, but he can still wear them like underwear, but it contains the mess when accidents happen. Maybe you could try that for a little while, and then go back to underwear?
Good luck and hang in there! You are staying much calmer than I would (have). I would have been so upset after accident number two! Let alone five...you're doing great, Bonnie!
Wait! Pull-ups are no better than underwear with sticky poop! Except you feel less guilty throwing them away. I got over that real quick though. I remember during one of my epic potty-training eras, I just thought, "We'll just potty-train all our kids and THEN replace the carpet."
I think you are doing exactly the right thing. Let it be his thing. He knows how (you taught him). He knows the steps. He knows the ramifications. i may have even stooped to not helping with the clean-up occasionally. I don't know if that helped.
Hang in there. Or maybe you could just put diapers back on him and one day, he'll take them off and train himself :) When he realizes that he really doesn't want to be Dexter. Good luck with the next 15 years. The less you let your buttons work, the better (i'm one to talk).
I used the toilet train in less than a day method which worked very well for my stubborn independent boy. I did it just the way the book suggested but there were good things in that method that could be used for anyone. Some tips that I would suggest are having him clean up the mess when he has an accident, borrowing a wetting doll and having him teach dolly how to go potty, reminding him of his heroes that are so proud when he goes potty ( daddy, Thomas, batman), rewarding him for when he is dry rather than when he goes in the potty (by keeping m&ms or other small candy with you and giving him a couple every 15 min when you ask if he's dry and he is). Everybody learns eventually, but potty training sure is stressful. Good luck!
As I mentioned on Facebook, it had to be James' thing. We still struggle with that with him (he won't dress himself unless it is HIS idea). The rewards didn't work for us. He outsmarted us. He would earn the reward, then quit again. We did put him back in diapers, a couple of times in fact. It wasn't worth it. We did keep telling him that we knew he could do it, and that he was a big boy and that so and so uses the potty. I guess one day it all just registered. And also, I really do have almost a whole thing of pull-ups if you want them. I bought them as a last resort, then he decided he would do it. Did I mention he was 3 and a half?
oh, we also told him that Aubrie was going to need the diapers. You could try that too.
I also tried the potty training in a day with my second one. it seemed to work okay but we had lots of accidents. I know this has been said before but don't stress too much. Nobody starts kindergarten in diapers! One of my sisters used the "you can't do gymnastics in diapers" thing. she even took her daughter a few times so she could see the other big kids doing gymnastics. Everyday is a new day. I think all your ideas are good. i don't recommend going back to diapers (or Pull-ups) but only because then you might have to start over in six months. but it all depends on your stress level. if you think you and he will be better ready to handle it in six months than no worries. You are such a good mom. All these strong, independant kids will be the great leaders of tomorrow. :)
Pray for patience. Grit your teeth and just keep moving along.
Potty training is one of the most frustrating things to do. You are doing a great job. It just takes constant work and lots of patience. It took us FOREVER to get my boys potty trained and even as big as they are, we still have accidents occasionally. (Not a lot, but if they get laughing too hard or are really involved with something. . .) Keep up the good work. Potty training will end someday and when it does, they payoff is GREAT!
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