Tuesday, July 8, 2008

To Dorian

July 8, 2007 9 days old You are the most precious baby in the world. You are an angel when you sleep. I love the way you stretch your arms and arch your back and wrinkle your forehead when you are waking up. You have such bright, curious eyes when you are awake. Your dad says you just want to keep figuring out new things, so once you’ve looked at something, you don’t need to look at it again. But I still catch you looking into my eyes, figuring out who I am. Your dad and I both love you more than we love anyone else–maybe even each other, although neither of us is ready to admit it. Even so, we love each other more than we did before you came, because you are a priceless gift that we gave each other. I don’t know what we did to deserve the sweetest baby ever. You hardly ever cry. Your little face is so expressive. Your dad and I sometimes wish you could stay this small forever. We’d have to buy you some more clothes, though, because all we have that fits you right now is a few little t-shirts and onesies. You deserve more clothes. We had a hard time choosing your name. It’s a huge responsibility, to decide what a person will be called. We didn’t want to choose something too ordinary, because we wanted your name to reflect how special you are. I hope you like the name Dorian. It reflects your musical heritage, but I want you to know that you can choose to be anything that you want to be. We can already see in your personality that you know what you want. Don’t let anybody tell you that you can’t have it. I worry sometimes because of the disappointments that you will face, and because of the ways in which I will fail you. But there are so many great things about being alive, and I’m so excited for you to learn all about this world. It’s okay to make mistakes; that’s one of the ways in which we learn. Take responsibility for your mistakes, and for your life. It is yours to create. Be honest, and be fair. It is so much easier to see other people’s faults than your own. But understand that “fair” may not always look like you think it should. Everyone is different, and everyone needs a different experience. Keep in mind that sometimes the most worthwhile experiences are the hardest. Don’t shy away from hard work or situations that stretch you. You deserve to have all the happiness available in this world. I love you, Dorian. Thank you for coming into my life.


Beckalita said...

I hate to see you suffer like you are! JK He is beautiful. I'm excited for you to discover all the cool things about motherhood. This is just the beginning. The real fun starts when he begins Harmony Road!

Kelley said...

As you have already discovered, motherhood is awesome. Dorian is a beautiful baby, and I'm so glad he is making life so easy for you. That was a really beautiful letter you wrote to him. He is very blessed to have you for a mother. Congratulations!

Amber said...


Congratulations, I found you through Kelley's blog, I had no idea you were expecting, but I'm so happy for you! Dorian is beautiful and I'm so glad you're doing well. Don't worry about the epidural - I was induced with our little boy and only made it 45 minutes before I asked for one! We're expecting our second now (a girl!) and I'm hoping to at least make it longer than that. :) You also looked beautiful in the pictures. Motherhood is a wonderful, difficult, mysterious thing and it looks like you're getting a great start already. Take care of yourself and him!