Russell and Bonnie Jack Family Blog

New Tricks

2011-08-25T22:07:00.005-06:00

3 short videos. I know 30 seconds is about all I can expect you to watch. :)

Here is Dexter's newest trick. I have a similar video of Dorian when he was a baby. It's an important milestone. (Also, I think Dorian's monologue in the background is kind of adorable. I think he knew he was being recorded and was trying to think of stuff to say.)

Next trick. Yes, I am getting this kid into a gymnastics class. (And I could have edited the video to be a bit shorter, but I thought Dexter in the background was kind of cute, so if you get bored of Dorian just watch Dexter...)

Last one. I uploaded one like this a while ago to facebook, but this one is even better. I just think these brothers are cute.

help again?

2011-06-16T13:01:00.004-06:00

Seems like I only use this blog to ask for advice these days....

Dorian will be 3 in a few weeks. He is still adjusting to his baby brother who is now 8 months old. But it seems in the last month or so he has gotten very aggressive with Dexter. From the beginning, I think Dorian viewed little Dexter both as a threat and as a toy. And now that the baby is crawling and pulling up on things, Dorian is 1)even more threatened because the baby can get his toys, and 2)seeing Dexter as even more of a fun "plaything" because he can do more things now.

I know aggression between two close brothers is normal, but I am actually worried for the safety of the baby! Dorian does things like knock Dexter down when he has pulled himself up on the coffee table, or lie on top of him, or try to pick him up, or throw toys at him, or forcefully put things in his mouth. Dorian seems to get over-excited when he interacts with Dexter—he gets right in his face and screams, or pinches his cheeks, or buzzes his lips so that he spits all over Dexter.

I have talked to Dorian about how his little brother is not a toy, but a person with feelings and rights. We have talked about how he might feel if someone were to scream at him, or pinch him, or spit on him. I have tried to spend extra alone time with Dorian while the baby is sleeping. I have sent him to timeout 1000 times for hurting the baby. I have praised him for good interactions with the baby. What else can I try? I know he loves his baby brother, but he obviously doesn't feel like he has power over his world right now.

Um...I need help...

2011-04-06T22:01:00.004-06:00

Right, so here is the potty training rundown:

Dorian has been out of diapers for 5 weeks now. He did great the first 3 weeks as long as I reminded him to go periodically (we had treats and a fun iPhone app and all that). He had a little trouble with the pooping, but we finally bribed him to do that (Thomas trains and matchbox cars). Then it started becoming a power struggle (he absolutely wouldn't go if i asked him to). I figured that was normal and he just needed me to stay out of it, so I stopped reminding him to go. He had a few accidents, but then actually started telling me when he needed to go, and for about 3 days i thought we were almost done.

But then, since he wouldn't go when I asked (like right before leaving the house), he started having accidents in the car, or while I was feeding Dexter or taking a shower and couldn't help him. I started taking away the trains he had earned whenever he had an accident. I didn't make a big deal out of it or try to make him feel bad, I just told him I was putting Thomas or Spencer back up on the wall. He seemed to understand why I was doing it, and how to earn them back, and didn't seem overly distressed about it.

But then I guess I started making a bigger deal out of him going by himself because I needed him to be able to go when I couldn't help him (and for the record, I knew he could do it by himself; I usually just sit by and watch when I am "helping" him). Maybe that was what ruined it? Because now, for about the past week and a half, he has just completely stopped going in the potty (unless grandma asks, he'll go for her!). Five accidents today, including one involving sticky poop (as opposed to the non-sticky kind, you know...sorry...TMI). Not a single success (oh, unless you count when he went for Grandma!). He knows what an accident is, and he will even sit in the bathroom after he gets cleaned up and count on his fingers "One: go in the potty, two: by myself, three: no accidents" (those are the 3 criteria I have given him for earning his Thomas and Spencer trains back). I don't get upset with him when he has an accident, I just clean him up and remind him to go in the potty next time. I think he knows what needs to be done, but is just pushing against any kind of control. I think.

I have asked him if he would rather just wear diapers, and he says no. He likes to wear underwear. But I did actually put him back in diapers for a couple of days last week and he didn't complain at all. In fact, he seemed a little more relaxed. I know every kid is different and all that, but I'd love to hear how you handled things with your potty-training kids (unless it's one of those, "she just climbed on the potty one day and we never went back to diapers" kind of stories...I don't need to hear those :) and how you dealt with similar challenges. Should I just go back to diapers for a few months and then try again? Or is it possible that we're getting really close and I should just hang in there?

Dexter wants an iPhone

2011-04-05T22:59:00.003-06:00

Dexter, 5 months 23 days:

(Does it remind you of anyone?)

Dorian needs more money

2011-02-07T11:12:00.001-07:00

Parenting with Love and Logic

2011-01-07T15:10:00.003-07:00

Dorian loves his little brother. He loves to hold him, and pat him, and kiss him, and he is always sharing his cars with him. But. He doesn't love sharing his mom. Really hates it, in fact. He constantly wants me to play with him, hold him, carry him, help him....this from the kid who just a few months ago didn't want help with anything. My number one strategy for getting him to do what I wanted was, "do you want to do it by yourself, or do you want me to do it for you?" "By taself!" Fortunately this worked for my whole pregnancy, when I had zero energy—but it hardly ever works now, and really backfires when he wants me to carry him while I'm also carrying a baby in a carseat, a diaper bag, and everybody's jackets. Don't even get me started on the grocery store.

Combine this new-found clinginess with a defiant streak a mile wide, and an exhausted set of parents who are overwhelmed by the requirements of two children (how do people have more than 2? don't answer that)...and I finally decided to pull out Parenting with Love and Logic, which my sister Lorinda gave to me while I was pregnant with Dorian. I read it, liked it, and have been applying some of it with some success, but I need to think through it some more, and also summarize it for Russell so that he doesn't have to read it. :) So here are the main points, in case anyone else also doesn't want to read it (I'm trying hard not to write a book myself...sorry this is so long...):

Love and Logic is about allowing kids to experience the logical consequences of their behavior (as opposed to artificially imposed made-up consequences). This teaches kids responsibility because they learn to think for themselves instead of always being told what to do and how to act. They learn which behaviors are effective and which aren't, while gaining confidence in their own ability to choose and think.

Responsibility

We have 18 years to help our kids become responsible adults. We start by allowing them to learn to solve their own problems and take responsibility for their own choices. Obviously we can't let a 2-year old make every decision in his life, but we can let him make a lot of them. Which shirt would you like to wear? Do you want to wear a jacket? (he won't freeze to death if he doesn't, and you can bring it along in case he changes his mind—or not, to really drive the point home) What would you like for lunch? etc. More on choices later, but the point is that kids need lots of practice making choices so that when they get older and the choices get harder, they will be able to think for themselves in a mature and sensible way.

Two ineffective parenting styles:

Helicopter Parents: These parents hover over their children and rescue them from every problem. They feel like they are saving their children from unnecessary pain, but instead they are robbing their children of important learning experiences, and setting them up for a lot more pain when the learning experiences are a lot bigger later on. These kids are not prepared to meet the consequences of real life, and don't know how to cope without the help of their parents.

Drill Sargeant Parents: These parents feel that their job is to force their children to behave correctly, and that the children will continue to act right as adults out of habit. The problem is that since these children are never allowed to make any decisions for themselves, when they are presented with choices as teenagers and adults, they often make terrible decisions. They don't feel like they are thinking for themselves unless they make a decision that is completely opposite from what their parents would have decided for them.

We have to keep in mind that as we give our children the freedom to make choices and think for themselves, they will probably do things we don't approve of. I like this quote from page 27 of the book: "Just as God gave us a good mind and the ability to excel, He has given us the right, or at least the capability, to blow up the planet. However, a race capable of blowing up the planet is also capable of flying to Saturn. High success and high achievement carry with them the risks of abysmal losses. But the loving and concerned parents who allow for failure wind up with kids who tend to choose success."

Every learning experience a child is allowed to have today will save him from a more expensive learning experience tomorrow.

Self-Concept

Responsible kids feel good about themselves, and kids who feel good about themselves tend to be more responsible. Here is a great article from babycenter.com on building a 2-year old's self esteem (since that is the age I am most concerned with right now...) Unfortunately, we sometimes send our kids negative messages about themselves without even intending to. When we say things like "why would you do that?" or "what were you thinking?", we are really sending an implied message to our kids that they are kind of dumb, and not very capable. Our kids deserve just as much respect as adults, and they will feel better about themselves if we treat them like they are competent and intelligent, and show them that we love them unconditionally. I love this idea from page 39: "kids can't get better until we prove to them, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that they're good enough the way they are." Kids need to know we love them.

If we are constantly telling our children what to do or how to feel ("put on your jacket," "eat your dinner," "you're not really hungry," etc.) we are sending them the message that they can't think for themselves, and they need us to do it for them. Instead, we need to send them the message that they have the skills they need to handle life, and that they can make their own decisions.

As a side note, the book points out that kids learn just about everything by modeling, including self image. They watch the way we (their parents) make decisions, handle arguments, and solve problems, and they model their behavior after ours. This means, among other things, that they need to see us taking care of ourselves, so that they will learn to take care of themselves. If we always put ourselves last, we may end up with kids who don't think very highly of themselves.

Mistakes as Opportunities

When we automatically jump to rescue our children from their mistakes, we rob them of the opportunity to learn responsibility. Or when we get angry over their mistakes, we teach them that the "logical consequence of messing up is making adults mad," (p. 49) which doesn't give them any responsibility for the real problem. "The best solution to any problem lives within the skin of the person who owns the problem." (p. 49) As a teacher I have learned that the more energy I expend to solve a problem in a lesson, the less the student will worry about solving it. If I sit back and allow them to work it out, they will take responsibility for it. "Kids who deal directly with their own problems are moved to solve them." (p. 50)

There are only 2 times when we should step in to help our kids solve their problems:

When our children are in immediate physical danger.
When the problem is really beyond the capacity of the child to deal with, and the consequences will be lifelong or otherwise too significant to simply teach a lesson. Be careful with this one, because "everything we fix for our kids, our kids will be unable to fix for themselves." (p. 51)

Separation of Problems

If the child's problem is causing a problem for us, then we need to deal with it (so our children see us standing up for ourselves). Not by solving the problem for the child, but by giving them ownership of the problem. For instance, if the child is not taking care of their pet, that becomes a problem for us, but rather than feeding it and cleaning its cage for them, we could take the pet away [arrange for it stay at a neighbor's house for a day?] while the child considers how much they really want to own a pet (this does require having good neighbors, but you can probably return the favor in some way).

Setting Limits with Thinking Words instead of Fighting Words

Kids need limits. They don't feel safe without them, and they will push against them until they know exactly where they are. We start building these limits for them from the time they are babies. These limits give them enough security to build self-confidence and deal effectively with their emotions. Children gain respect for parents who set and enforce good limits. However, if we attempt to set these limits with "fighting words" (i.e. "Stop whining!" or "Go practice the piano!") we are setting ourselves up for a control struggle. If we instead use "thinking words" (i.e. "You sound upset. I'll be glad to listen to you when your voice is calm like mine" or "Feel free to join us for dinner once your practicing is done"), we are still requiring respect and obedience, but also allowing our children the opportunity to think for themselves. Here is one of my favorite points in the book: "Fighting words invite disobedience. When we use them, we draw a line in the sand and dare them to cross it" (p. 65). And they will cross it.

Another way to use thinking words instead of fighting words is to use "yes" instead of "no" as often as possible. So rather than "no, you can't watch TV," say, "yes, you can watch TV as soon as your toys are picked up," etc. Then when the answer really is just "no," they are more likely to accept that as well.

Choices

Parents who want to control their children cannot win. The child will fight back. If the parent does manage to somehow retain control throughout the kid's childhood, that child will often make as many contrary decisions as possible once they are on their own. Control struggles leave parents feeling helpless, angry, and frustrated, and leave the child feeling defensive and unempowered. The way to avoid them is by offering choices—but this does require giving up some control. "We must give our children the control we don't need to keep the control we do" (p. 72). This doesn't mean giving your kids complete control (that creates brats), but it does mean recognizing which issues are yours to control and which aren't. Start by giving your toddlers a little control—over what to wear and how much of their dinner to eat. Give kids more and more control as they grow—which sport to play and how to spend their allowances. By the time they are graduating from high school, they should be responsible enough to be making basically every decision in their lives. As long as their control over their lives is always expanding, they will be satisfied with the control they have. If you give them too much at first and then have to reign them in, that will be painful for everyone. Here's a good article from babycenter on giving kids choices.

There are some things you just can't make a kid do. You can't make them eat, you can't make them sleep, you can't make them use the toilet. You can, however, give them opportunities to eat, sleep, and use the bathroom—and actually, the less control you try to exert in these situations, the more likely they are to do what you would like them to do (I've noticed this with Dorian at the dinner table—anytime he feels coerced to eat, he won't touch it, even if it's something I know he likes. But if I let him choose what goes on his plate, and if I don't make a big deal out of whether he eats it, he will usually eat, and even try something new).

You also can't make a child learn, and you can't make him believe what you believe. You can only give him opportunities to learn, and model how your beliefs make you happier. You can teach, but you can't force learning, and you can model, but you can't force belief.

Some points to remember:

Make sure you are always prepared to follow through with the choices you offer (don't say "hurry up or we're leaving without you" unless you have a babysitter arranged--p.s. if the child chooses to stay with the babysitter, they need to understand that they are also choosing to pay the babysitter)
There is always a third choice, which is that the parent will decide. The child needs to understand that this is what will happen if they don't choose for themselves.
Don't worry about what other people think. If they're judging you, who cares? Is it more important to impress some random people at McDonald's, or to build a lasting relationship with your child that is based on trust and responsibility? It's not going to be easy; there will be resistance and opposition. Be ready for it, and don't get worked up about it.
Don't turn the choice into a threat—"you can clean these toys up or you can have a timeout" is not the most effective choice. "Would you rather pick up the cars or trains first?" Or even, "would you rather pick up your own toys or hire me to do it?"
Be positive in your delivery—"You're welcome to ______ or ______" or "Would you rather _______ or _______"
Don't nag while the child is making up his mind. Don't remind him again and again what the consequences will be. Expect him to hear and understand the first time, and he will.
Don't give warnings and second chances. Follow through the first time and every time on the consequences the child has chosen.

Empathy

When you do have to enforce some less than pleasant consequences, don't lecture your kids; don't tell them what they just learned. They will learn it more effectively if they think through it themselves. As much as possible, let the natural consequences of their behavior teach the lesson (i.e. if they choose not to wear a jacket, let them realize how cold they are and they will probably decide to choose differently next time). But go ahead and offer empathy: "yeah, I'm cold too when I don't wear a jacket." And leave it at that.

This is My Life

2010-12-09T20:59:00.008-07:00

(Click for larger view)

This was supposed to be a throw-away photo, one that Russell took while trying out his new umbrellas and 85mm lens (we opened Christmas early). But it turned out to be such a perfect portrait of my life right now.

Dexter has just finished eating and is happy as can be (click on the photo twice to see the bubble on his tongue). I think this is his first smile we have captured in a photo.

Dorian is insistent about sitting in my lap ("I wanna be two boys"). His hair is crazy, he's not wearing pants, and he's a little awed by the new camera equipment his dad is playing with (bee-lellas!).

I'm a little mad, a little tired, a little fat, and a little depressed, but I really do love cuddling with my two boys.

This is my life, and its...good.

Leaving the House

2010-10-19T17:00:00.000-06:00

I know, moms with 3 or more kids do this every day. They get themselves ready, get everyone else ready, pack everyone (and everything) into the car, and leave the house. They get things done, like grocery shopping and dentist appointments. Sweetest baby ever? I haven't graduated to that level yet. All I had to do was take baby Dexter to the hospital for a little blood test. I didn't even have to take Dorian with me; he was going to play at Grandma's house (yay for grandmas). Grandpa John and Dexter But it went something like this: Wake up at 8 a.m. (wow, this baby is a good sleeper! and Russell kept Dorian occupied even though he was up at 6:45 (yay for husbands)). Feed the sweetest baby ever. Put him down for a nap. Pick him back up again because he is starting to want to be rocked to sleep, instead of sort of being in a constant state of sleep. Put him back down once he is really asleep. Pick him up and rock him one more time, this time getting the bubble out of his tummy. Put him back down. Evan and Dexter Notice that it is 9:30 a.m. and think, I can still get in the shower and be ready by 10 (ha). Call Grandma and tell her to come get Dorian at 10. Take a quick shower. Get out of the shower and remember that Dorian doesn't feed or dress himself. And he needs some train tracks built. Play with Dorian. Meet Grandma at the door and hand her the baby so you can actually get Dorian dressed. See them out the door. Realize that the baby is hungry. Ashley and Dexter Feed the baby. Change his diaper. Decide to take him outside for a few minutes of sunshine before getting him dressed. Remember that you haven't packed a diaper bag for this little one, and you sent your other diaper bag with the big one. Spend a moment in thought over the logistics of carrying two diaper bags. And a purse. Pack a diaper bag. Pack the baby in the carseat (these straps don't pull tight enough? help!). Realize that you're still not wearing any makeup, and now your hair has dried without being styled. Forget the hair, do the makeup. Get in the car and pull out of the driveway. At 11:15. Really? Mom and Dexter I had gotten into a routine with Dorian where I always gave myself 15 extra minutes just to get into the car after I had everything else ready, because somehow between brushing teeth and spiking hair and convincing a toddler to move, it usually took about that much extra time. So now what, I have to give myself an extra hour and 15 minutes? And people do this with more kids? I think I'll stay home for a while. :)

Christmas Wish List

2010-10-14T21:48:00.008-06:00

I'm putting this on my blog so my family can see it, but if any of the rest of you want to buy us stuff, go right ahead!

Bonnie

clothes (jeans that fit...why is this on my list every year?, sweaters, hoodies, long shirts, socks)
lotions (coconut lime verbena, midnight pomegranate, white citrus)
candles (yummy fall/christmas flavors, or light fruity summer scents)
books
iTunes gift card
rice bag

Russell

85mm 1.2L
35mm 1.4L
70-200mm 2.8L IS II
Westcott white satin 43" umbrella (wants 2...)
flowbee or a #12 Wahl Clipper Guide Comb (he really wants the flowbee...)
iTunes gift card
Apple products...maybe an iPod Shuffle or an Apple mousepad (yeah, I haven't been able to find one)

Dorian

shoes (toddler size 7)
books
DVDs (Toy Story, Finding Nemo, Meet the Robinsons, Up, Lilo and Stitch, Emperor's New Groove, Kung Fu Panda, Over the Hedge, Chicken Run...ok, I'm getting carried away)
cars, buses, trucks, trains, airplanes

Dexter

clothes?
books?

Family

body fat scale
bath towels
salad plates...something like this or this but we don't need the whole set...just some salad plates...

Maternity Photo Shoot

2010-10-10T20:42:00.003-06:00

We decided to go ahead and take some maternity pictures, since I'm having a baby in two and a half days and today was pretty much our last chance. Plus Russell is excited about his new photography equipment. Russell took all the other pictures, but I took this one. Handsome little guy, no?

What I Did This Summer

2010-08-17T22:35:00.000-06:00

To make up for not blogging all summer, I have been inspired by my sister-in-law Cindy to write my summer essay. But since I'm not being graded on my essay form, I'm gonna do it in a list. So, here is what I did this summer:

Pulled all the weeds in the backyard
Tilled the backyard (okay, I picked up rocks while Russell and some others did the tilling)
Put a dump truck in the lawn
Got a new camera--I'm gonna go ahead and use this as my excuse for not blogging, since Russell has been uploading all the pictures to his computer, and I no longer have easy access to them...
Planted some trees (yeah, had to dig out this old concrete canal first)
Planted some strawberries
Went to Ginelle's high school graduation
Went to St. George with some good friends
Welcomed Lorinda's new baby Lyndee
Went to Hawaii for my parents' 50th anniversary
Celebrated Dorian's 2nd birthday (hmmm....pics on Russell's computer)
Pulled the backyard weeds again
Neglected the front yard
Taught some piano lessons
Played at the park
Blogged on my piano teaching blog
Played at the swimming pool
Went to the petting zoo
Got huge (I don't even think we have any pictures of this)
Sat and watched while Russell dug some trenches in our rock-hard dirt
Tried to help finish digging trenches with a trowel
Tried to keep Dorian from filling the trenches back in as fast as I could scoop the dirt out
Killed the AC in my car
Pulled about a zillion rocks out of my backyard (this picture was taken early in the process...)
Got the AC in my car fixed! (oh my gosh I love Jim's Auto)
Went to Russell's 10-year high school reunion (I stole a pic from a friend's blog, but I am trying to upload 113 photos to Walgreens right now, so it isn't uploading...besides the fact that I should probably ask permission before using it...Ashley?)
Let the strawberries die
Kept the trees alive
Let my father-in-law engineer and build our whole sprinkler system
Bought a mattress for Dorian

So, that about covers it. There seems to be an end in sight to the backyard project, and we are hoping to get the sod in within the next...month...or so. We're also excited about Dorian's new bed, which is out of stock. And we need to decide where that new baby is going to sleep. Oh, and also what to name him.

Things We Should Have Known

2010-06-22T10:12:00.004-06:00

Sometimes when you look back on lessons you've learned, it's hard to understand how you didn't already know better. Like, when you think about whether or not it is a good idea to drive a really small dump truck on your lawn. I mean, the truck only weighs about 13 tons, and is only carrying about 5 tons of dirt...it'll be fine, right? Oh, well. Sometimes it's hard to laugh at yourself, when you realize that the free dirt you thought you were getting from your neighbors just cost you a whole lot of extra time and money. At least we got to know the neighbors...

P.S. if you live in the Spanish Fork area and ever need a really good tow truck, we had a great experience with Bang Up Towing. They showed up after hours, super quick, and the price was very reasonable.

Hogle Zoo

2010-05-06T13:50:00.000-06:00

We went to the zoo on my birthday with several of my sisters and some of their kids. Not so much because it was my birthday, but because it was spring break and a nice day. It was just a bonus for me to be able to spend the day with my sisters and their cute kids. First, we stopped to see the elephants. It was fun to see Dorian grasp the concept of a mom and a baby animal. This is my sister Marilee with her granddaughter, Stella. I love those chubby cheeks! Out of all the things at the zoo, Dorian was most interested in the snow that was still on the ground. He had to stop and kick just about every clump we came to. He also liked the giraffes with their long necks. There's that cute baby Stella again. My silly nieces took a break in the stroller while the babies weren't using it. I really did have a stroller with me, but it was sort of hard to keep Dorian in it. More snow... My very pregnant sister, Lorinda. Ooh, puddles are almost as good as snow. Maybe even better, since they get my pants and shoes wet and muddy and that drives my mom a bit crazy. See that look of delight after he has completely soaked his bottom half? My sister-in-law Cindy with her two cute boys, and another who belongs to Lorinda. The boys were a little bored by the animals, but kind of fascinated by the people. You get some weird ones at the zoo. (Not excluding us...) Me and Dorian. :) As we were leaving, I sat him up on the wall in front of the waterfall. And then, of course, he didn't want to get down... ...and had a tantrum when I told him it was really time to go. Exhausted kiddo, he was asleep minutes after we got in the car. Spilled goldfish crackers everywhere before we got home. :)

Parking Lot

2010-04-30T14:12:00.007-06:00

So, the space between the groups of 2 and 3 black keys on the piano turns out to be the perfect size for parking cars! This is a common sight at our house: He loves cars and he loves to crash (currently pronounced "prash") them. He was pretty upset, though, when he discovered that his Lightning McQueen was too big to fit between the keys. :)

P.S. I guess I'm kind of weird about announcements. That, and I wanted to see if anyone was really reading my blog anymore. :) But yeah, I'm due October 19th. I think it's a girl, because this pregnancy has so far been really nice. I've been a little sick, but nothing like last time. I could maybe even do this again!

Easter Egg Hunt

2010-04-29T15:00:00.000-06:00

We braved the rain and the cold to go to the Spanish Fork Easter Egg Hunt on April 3rd. So did about 1000 other people, but I was really impressed at how well organized it was. They had a separate field just for kids 2 and under, so Dorian didn't get trampled by any bigger kids. This is right when we got there, before he really knew what was going on. We successfully explained to him that he was going to go pick up eggs on the field, but he didn't understand why he couldn't do it right NOW. Poor kiddo. He was in tears before they could finish counting down. (On another note, when I look at pictures of myself lately, I think I understand why people always guess that I'm pregnant before I tell them...my face gets so soft and round...)

And he's finally off! Examining his egg (notice the Anakin tattoo on his hand...) I wish this picture weren't blurry. I was trying to capture the way he kept trying to give his eggs to the other kids. (Which the other parents always made them give back....isn't the etiquette between parents regarding their kids' behavior a little weird and stressful? It's like we tell our kids to share, but no, don't take that little boy's egg...everyone's so worried about doing it wrong...) Okay, so this turned out to be kind of fun... Yes! Candy!

um...have you seen my camera cord?

2010-04-20T22:01:00.002-06:00

Next time we need someone to get the TV working at my parents' house, I'll just put Dorian on the job.

Dorian and his blanket

2010-04-06T09:19:00.002-06:00

Dorian loves this blanket that my piano student Hannah made for him. He even likes to be tucked in on the stairs (don't worry--he doesn't sleep there...he's a crib-only kind of sleeper). In other news, I have been asked to contribute to a new blog for piano teachers. I know a few of you fall into that category, so I thought I'd mention it here. I will be posting once or twice a month, and the other contributors are all fantastic teachers, so give it a look if you are interested. I'm excited to be able to blog in depth about piano teaching, one of my favorite things in the world.

Mini Mozart Graduation

2010-03-19T11:09:00.010-06:00

At the end of January, Dorian graduated from his Mini Mozart class at the Art City Music Academy.

He loved playing the drums. His cute teacher, Miss Laura, is sitting next to the keyboard, and the other mom is a girl I grew up with in Kaysville, who just happened to enroll in the same class! They played with lots of rhythm instruments. Dorian loved to dive through the hoop! He was a pro at the keyboard. I just liked this picture of his cute face. He was so proud to get his certificate of completion! He loved getting a sticker on his hand at the end of class each week.

This semester he has moved on to Toddler Tunes and is already loving it!

Clean White Shirt

2010-03-04T21:23:00.006-07:00

Maybe I haven't posted for a while because I haven't taken many pictures or videos lately. Today I was going through photos from the summer of 2008, when Dorian was born, because I still haven't printed a single photo out of the thousands I have taken since he was born (20 months ago!). So I was trying to decide which ones to print, and feeling like I was choosing way too many but at the same time, not nearly enough. I think I have exactly one picture of myself as a newborn baby. I narrowed Dorian's down to 8 from his first day of life, and another 5 or 6 from the next day. That's as many pictures as my mom took of me during my first, I don't know, 2 or 3 YEARS of life. Do you think he will appreciate having so many pictures of himself, or do you think he will roll his eyes in boredom whenever I pull out the scrapbooks? Oh well, I'm not doing it for him, I'm doing it for his wife.

Anyway, here are some pictures of the last day this shirt was white (why did I let him eat an apple while wearing it?): I've moved all his toys into my office, so we hang out in there a lot. He likes to squeeze between the bookcase and the wall, and he pretty much always has a car or two in each hand. Wouldn't you like to see the rest of my bookshelf?

Children don't really misbehave

2010-02-05T15:53:00.000-07:00

Here's another idea from Teaching Children Self-Discipline by Thomas Gordon that has helped me immensely, especially in those moments when Dorian is throwing his lunch across the kitchen, or dumping his milk all over his tray and the floor. It's the idea of problem ownership, which is something that I have vaguely understood in the past, but never yet applied to my relationship with my son. It's like this (p. 107):

[When an adult perceives that a child is misbehaving,] the "badness" of the behavior actually resides in the adult's mind, not the child's; the child in fact is doing what he or she chooses or needs to do to satisfy some need...put another way, the adult experiences the badness, not the child.
...When adults begin to see children as persons like themselves, engaging in various behaviors to satisfy normal human needs, they are much less inclined to evaluate the behaviors as good or bad.
...[This] doesn't mean, however, that adults will always feel accepting of what [the child does, but they can understand that] the child is not a misbehaving or bad child, not trying to do something to the adult, but rather is only trying to do something for himself.

I paraphrased a bit, so you could get the point of it without reading the whole chapter.

The author goes on to discuss strategies for working with young children, even babies and toddlers, such as finding out what they need, making some kind of a trade, and/or modifying the environment. These are great, and I already knew them, but for me, just stepping back and understanding that I am the one with the problem, not Dorian, helps me to see things in a new light and switch gears. And occasionally he is the one with the problem, and I can let him work that out too. Like when he has a poopy diaper but won't lie down for me to change it...

And on and on. Read the book. It's good stuff.

Teaching Children Self-Discipline

2010-02-04T15:29:00.006-07:00

I'm reading Teaching Children Self-Discipline by Thomas Gordon. While most of it is really applicable to older children (at least old enough to converse and reason things out with you), I have found it valuable even in dealing with [my reaction to] the "misbehaviors" of an 18-month old. I could share lots of little tidbits, and maybe I will later, but for now I just wanted to share the following 2 paragraphs (p. 175) that sort of knocked me over when I read them:

Conventional wisdom has it that if you genuinely accept a child, he or she will remain the same. It is also nearly universally believed that the way to help children do something better...is to point out their faults...Consequently, in dealing with children most parents and teachers rely almost exclusively on "correcting messages" — on judging, criticizing, preaching, moralizing, admonishing, name-calling, blaming, lecturing, threatening, ordering, and directing — all messages that convey nonacceptance of the child. This "language of unacceptance" is also the method of choice of other caretakers of our children.
In recent years...we have found ample evidence that a necessary condition for helping others change is accepting them the way they are[!]

This was written in like 1985, so I don't think many of his generalizations about "most" parents are really fair anymore. I think "most" parents have already begun to understand what he is teaching here. But it still hit me like a ton of bricks. Even though I haven't been a parent for very long, I've been a teacher for over a decade. How many times have I criticized, moralized, admonished, judged, and generally not accepted my students, my family, my husband? Yikes. Thankfully, I know my students have been quite forgiving of my faults. I hope my children (and husband) can be too...

Dorian's music

2010-01-25T17:10:00.005-07:00

I wish I could rig up the video camera while we're in the car so you could hear Dorian singing along to his Mini Mozart CD. In lieu of that, here is a sample of some of the fun he has with music at home.

Please forgive my microtonal key change between "DO" and "RE"...they were several minutes apart, and I obviously don't have perfect pitch...don't shoot me.

Dorian and his books

2010-01-18T16:00:00.003-07:00

Dorian loves his books. He asks for a book first thing in the morning and last thing at night, and many times between. He likes to be read to, but sometimes wants to sit in mom's chair and read by himself.

I'll admit, my favorite part is the very end. Love my cute boy.

Christmas 2009

2010-01-08T15:15:00.006-07:00

We had a really great Christmas. Dorian made a very cute little shepherd in the nativity at grandma's house on Christmas eve. This was our first year really playing Santa, and it was so much fun. Of course Dorian pretty much thought it was the best day ever...

Dorian cleaning

2010-01-07T15:16:00.003-07:00

Just a little evidence of how helpful Dorian is around the house. Lorinda says it's a sign of my obsessive clean freak tendencies...and she may be right, although I would like to point out that he has never seen me clean the baseboards.

P.S. that cute little voice you hear in the background is Dorian's friend Lincoln...

Dorian the snow shoveler

2009-12-31T14:19:00.005-07:00

Dorian is 18 months old now, and he is starting to take his responsibilities very seriously. He is especially helpful around the house. If I get the broom out, he takes it away from me and does the sweeping himself. If I give him a rag, he starts polishing the floors and the cupboards. Whenever we go outside, he grabs a snow shovel...whether there is snow on the driveway or not... He is starting to talk like crazy, although his diction needs some work. Some of my favorite words:

oosh (shoes)
owm (meow)
TAAAH!! (star)
datUTCH (don't touch...most often heard right after a meal when i'm carrying him to the sink to wash up)
no (snow, or no, or nose)
lella (umbrella)
bate (break...he's a little bit destructive...)
tut (stuck...he's good at squeezing into small places that he can't get out of)
aht (hat)
ow (he says this one really clearly, as he pinches you or scratches your face)
ri-it (glottal stop between syllables)(what does a frog say?)

I could go on. I just realized a word he's been saying over and over to himself (betit) is "presents." He must have loved Christmas. I still haven't figured out what he means by "money," which he says quite a lot. He is such a fun little person, and is getting very creative and learning so fast!

And now he's waking up from his nap, though he has not been sleeping for an hour and a half yet. Think I can convince him his New Year's resolution should be 2-3 hour naps?

Merry Christmas!

2009-12-24T11:34:00.003-07:00

Trains and...more dogs

2009-12-22T15:15:00.002-07:00

We were watching videos of trains on my computer, and Dorian said "choo choo," so then I looked up some videos of dogs, and sure enough, he liked those too. :)

Two Favorite Words

2009-12-19T16:06:00.002-07:00

For some reason, when Dorian learned (his version of) the sign for "please," he kind of got the "p" sound, but also started associating an extra syllable with it, and it became "dapa." Although I think it probably means something more like "gimme!" but we like to think he's being polite.

This video also demonstrates his mastery of the sign for "more," which probably means something close to "dapa," but is used more specifically in reference to food that he wants.

No No, Yes Yes

2009-12-12T23:22:00.004-07:00

We have this hilarious little board book titled No No, Yes Yes, which shows a baby doing various things he shouldn't, and then things he should. It's very cute, although we worry a bit that it will just give Dorian ideas...

But anyway, it was his favorite book for a little while, and we read it to him again and again until he had it memorized.

And no...that's not the same book...

Stupid Baby Tricks

2009-12-11T15:28:00.004-07:00

My friend Yvonne calls these "stupid baby tricks," which I think is so true, and yet I can't resist showing them off.

Dorian talks

2009-12-08T11:50:00.002-07:00

I'm planning on posting a few videos of Dorian and his favorite words over the next several days. Here, you get a glimpse of his fascination with dogs.

Halloween

2009-11-11T10:19:00.000-07:00

I have never really been good at thinking of Halloween costume ideas. I feel weird about spending good money on something that will be worn once, and I don't really sew. So all things considered, I think our costumes came together pretty nicely this year. I found the poodle skirt that my mom made me in 6th grade (yeah, she sews)... dug out a 3-6 month white onesie for Dorian... and painted the boys' hair black...oh, and Russell shaved but kept the sideburns...

Balancing Act

2009-11-09T21:58:00.002-07:00

I am constantly amazed at how comfortable he is getting in his little body. And how frequently he manages to reprogram my keyboard, even with the key lock program running.

Tallulahs Jewelry Web Debut

2009-11-02T11:20:00.010-07:00

I don't wear a lot of jewelry. I'm just not that into accessorizing. But when I do want a little extra sparkle, I'm picky. With a few rare exceptions, I really don't wear anything but Tallulahs.

(yeah, that's my beautiful niece on the home page.)

Here I am on my wedding day, wearing a simple silk necklace with white freshwater pearls. And here I am at my graduate piano recital, wearing assorted freshwater pearls, citrine, pink opal, salmon coral, and rose quartz.

I have the rare fortune of being closely related to the brilliant designer of this jewelry (she is my sister-in-law). Because she loves me, she is offering two ways for my friends to get great deals on her handmade artisan pieces. The first is by visiting www.tallulahsjewelry.com before November 20th and using the coupon code "baubles" to get 20% off your entire order. This is a great deal just in time for the holidays, and this jewelry makes a perfect gift for any of the special women in your life.

The second way for you to get a great deal, if you are lucky enough to live in the Wasatch Front area, is to attend the bonus Fall Sample Sale in Bountiful on Saturday November 14th. These intimate sample sales are only being offered in a few locations around the country, and are the only place that you will receive even further discounts (up to 40% off)! Not only that, but you will be able to touch the jewelry, try it on, and take it home that day, without paying shipping! See the invitation below for details.

This jewelry is one-of-a-kind or some-of-a-kind — never mass-produced. Tallulahs uses only real semi-precious gems, stones, pearls, and precious metals in their designs. The quality construction harks back to your grandmothers' jewelry — these items will be around for the next generation. Nothing feels quite like real stones and pearls: the drape, the touch, the color. You must come to the November Sample Sale to see it and believe.

For fun, here is a link to a shout-out to Tallulahs from an Atlanta-area furniture re-conditioner.

Please pass this invitation on to anyone and everyone you think might be interested in either the web sale or the sample sale. Also please bring any guests you wish to the November Sample Sale!

On the bench by Asuka

2009-10-17T17:11:00.002-06:00

So, why does Russell's iPhone capture the colors so much better than my Sony Cyber-Shot?

My little drummer boy

2009-10-14T11:51:00.007-06:00

So, my nephew JD let us have his drums while he is on his mission. Russell loves having them in the basement, and goes down several times a week to play them. And now that Dorian has discovered them, we go down several times a DAY. On a totally unrelated note, we found and killed 3 of these in our garage within a couple of days, several weeks ago. I have been out there working on my refinishing project, so I hope I have scared off any others who were thinking of moving in. Eeeuwgh.

And...the baby wins

2009-10-02T23:20:00.003-06:00

And here you will see how Dorian has completely defeated me. All "babyproofing" is now null and void. I am just out of luck.

But seriously, what do I do now?

What? You don't use 3 spoons?

2009-09-26T10:44:00.000-06:00

This is a morning ritual for us. After Dorian eats his banana ("na-na-na"--it was his first real word), I bring him his oatmeal, and he gets one spoon in each hand while I feed him with a third. Sometimes he ends up with all 3 spoons, at which point I just let him play until he starts throwing oatmeal across the room. Then we're done.

Dorian and the Shape Sorter

2009-09-24T10:38:00.000-06:00

My favorite part is how he pats his tummy when he is so pleased with himself.

Let's Go Outside!

2009-09-22T21:31:00.003-06:00

First you have to put your shoes on. Then it's time to go outside! Hooray! It's awesome out here! But...it's cold! What happened to summer? Why am I wearing shorts? Let's go back inside! Hang on, mama has to take a picture of this rosebush so she can post it on her blog and show everyone that it lived! After she was sure it was dead! It's so boring inside. I'll just hang out in this carseat that's too small for me.

Cool Baby

2009-09-19T14:55:00.001-06:00

Dorian has finally started to leave his sunglasses on long enough for me to get some pictures. He likes to look in the mirror and laugh, but then they come right off again. I don't blame him; it's weird having stuff touch your face. Excuse me, I'm on the phone here. P.S. As I'm looking through pictures from the last few weeks, I'm really noticing how rarely Dorian wears clothes...

Haircut

2009-09-16T10:35:00.005-06:00

I was just thinking a week or two ago about how simple my life is, and how much I love having a simple life. Then I decided to sand and refinish some furniture...but that still doesn't explain why I haven't blogged in 3 weeks, since I only started that project 5 days ago...

ANyway, so Dorian got his first haircut a few weeks ago. I know, you're thinking, what? that kid doesn't have any hair. But seriously, it was getting long enough in the back that Russell couldn't stand the mullet look for one more second, and he pulled out the clippers in the middle of lunch one Saturday. And then I took a picture of his orange julius mustache in the bath, and I couldn't resist posting it for you to get a look at all those teeth! He has had all of them including his first year molars for a couple of months now. And he bit a little boy at church last week...

You think it's fun now...wait 'til you find out what it's really for!

2009-08-26T11:02:00.003-06:00

Russell commented to me the other day how all our things seem to end up in Dorian's toy pile. Once he found this baby-sized plastic guitar, he started carrying it everywhere with him. He loves to push the buttons and strum the...strummer button thingy. It doesn't even do anything except make a kind of clicking sound. But I guess it makes him feel like a rock star.

Thanksgiving Point

2009-08-23T21:26:00.000-06:00

We went to the Children's Discovery Garden at Thanksgiving Point for $2 Tuesday, which was super crowded, but tons of fun. We thought we might also go to Farm Country or the dinosaur museum, but we were pooped out after just the gardens. Dorian's favorite part, of course, was the Noah's Ark fountain. The water was freezing cold, but I couldn't get him out of it. I snapped a picture of his wet footprints because I thought they were so darn cute. He also liked exploring the rest of the gardens, and especially wanted to climb on anything he could. And when it was time to go home, he wanted to drive.

Baby Dreams

2009-08-16T21:46:00.000-06:00

Today Russell asked his little brother, who has been married for 7 weeks, if he is married in his dreams yet. It made me think about how dreams evolve to include new people in your life, and how this has especially affected my dreams as a new mother.

The dreams I am talking about are different than regular REM dreams...they are more like hallucinations. Like, my sister Carol often has spider hallucinations in the night. She opens her eyes and sees spiders coming down at her from the ceiling, or across the pillow, or some other terrifying scenario. She has to get up and turn on the light before she can convince herself they aren't real. I have experienced this with spiders as well, although I am usually tired enough that I can turn over and sleep with the spiders in peace.

But now that I am a mom, I have baby hallucinations in the night. In the early weeks of Dorian's life, I occasionally resorted to bringing him into my bed in my sleep deprived state. This is not meant to be a discussion on co-sleeping, because I know it works great for some people, but it is not for me. Because for months after I did this a few times, I woke up EVERY NIGHT with the absolute knowledge that the baby was in bed with me. I would shove Russell away because he was on top of the baby, or I would claw through the bedclothes, trying to find the baby before he suffocated. Often I could even feel him breathing under the covers, but then he wasn't there. After a few minutes of looking, I would remember that I had put the baby in his crib after the last time he ate, and then I could go back to sleep.

The hallucinations were like that for several months. But after Dorian started crawling, they eventually evolved. Rather than being under the covers or under Russell, the baby was falling off the edge of the bed, and I had to catch him. Later, as he became more independent, I would wake up because he was in the room, playing in the garbage can, or about to pull the iron down on top of himself. Once, after he started pulling himself up to a standing position in his crib, I woke up to hear him falling down the stairs. Russell and Dorian woke up that time too; I think there must have been a loud noise outside. The next day, Russell lowered the crib mattress as far as it would go.

Now that Dorian has been walking for a couple of months, the hallucinations usually involve him being out in the living room, which doesn't frighten me as much because it is pretty well baby-proofed, but it does make me think I should get up and watch my child. I have often found myself out of bed, walking into the living room, before I again remember that the kiddo is in his crib, and I should be sleeping too.

Last night I awoke no less than 4 times to the kiddo climbing up on a chair and pulling it over onto himself, or falling down the stairs (we had them blocked for months, but have opened them up because he can handle them pretty well now), or other similar catastrophes. Each time I sat completely upright with a gasp, or even jumped out of bed. So...it doesn't seem to be going away, or getting better. And it still happens almost every night.

StoresOnline and my little acrobat

2009-08-15T16:45:00.002-06:00

So, Russell got a new job. And when I say new, I mean one where he is an employee. As in regular paycheck and benefits. It will be an interesting experience for us! He has really enjoyed many aspects of being self-employed and doing freelance work, but is also really excited about the opportunities this will present, and the room for growth with this company. He is doing web design for StoresOnline. Dorian of course thinks Russell's company lanyard is the coolest new thing in the house.

P.S. Look who's getting hair! On an unrelated note (but the pictures tie it together, right?), I was doing handstands the other day (it's all I've got left from my days as a gymnast), and Dorian thought it was pretty funny, and then wanted to try himself. Since then, he has become quite the little acrobat, doing somersaults, back flips (off dad's chest), and even walking on his hands.

More outside pictures

2009-07-31T18:06:00.000-06:00

He does love going outside, even when it's super hot. We should go swimming or something.

August Cake Giveaway

2009-07-30T17:31:00.001-06:00

So I don't usually get into these giveaway things, but this is my friend Jenny and I love her. And her cakes are really fabulous. And her prices are really low right now while she builds up her portfolio....plus this coupon. Help promote Jeneze Cake Designs! Leave a comment on this post and paste the above coupon image on your blog, and your name will be entered into a drawing at the end of next week. The winner of the drawing will receive a free cake!!! Drawing will be held August 8, 09. So help spread the word. If you live outside of Utah and would still like a chance to win a prize I am willing to figure out something for the winner. Please help us and let all of your Utah friends and family know about Jeneze Cake and share the coupons too. Thanks!!

Mini golfing

2009-07-29T18:03:00.000-06:00

We had free passes. I just wish they would have given us two more golf balls, since Dorian wouldn't let go of these.

Photo Shoot

2009-07-28T18:38:00.000-06:00

Now that Dorian is a year old, we thought it would be a good idea to get some pictures taken of him. But since we don't have any money, I tried to do my own photo shoot in lieu of paying a professional...problem is, he pretty much either wouldn't look at me or he just wanted to grab the camera.

He is a little explorer. Only turns around to get me if he needs to grab my hand in order to climb up a ledge or down a hill. Our attempted photo shoot kind of ended in tears because I had the camera and he didn't. This is a mild version of his favorite new sad/mad furrowed brow.

Dorian, the budding photographer

2009-07-27T20:58:00.003-06:00

This is his best shot so far, in my opinion. I am compelled to save stuff like this, on the off chance that Dorian becomes a famous photographer, so that I can sell prints of his first compositions at the tender age of 1!

Next he'll be making phone calls and sending emails...

2009-07-23T18:53:00.000-06:00

Birthday cake (yes, that was 3 weeks ago)

2009-07-22T18:46:00.002-06:00

We should have practiced...

Dorian eats vegetable soup

2009-07-21T18:33:00.000-06:00

He insists on feeding himself most of the time. You can see how well that goes...

I thought babies were supposed to be afraid of the vacuum...

2009-07-20T18:22:00.000-06:00

This is why I don't get much vacuuming done...

A few weeks ago

2009-07-19T17:43:00.000-06:00

Thank You!

2009-07-10T23:13:00.001-06:00

Dorian would like to thank everyone who gave him such great birthday presents:

Grandpa John and Grandma Jeanne gave him a United States Mint proof set of coins from his birth year. He is studying hard to figure out what they are (and trying to figure out how to get the case open). Dinos! From Candy and Ricky. New shirt from Everett. He looks so grown up! Super cute pajamas from Brianne and Dustin. Money from Grandma and Grandpa Gailey. It has been deposited in his savings account. :) A great new truck from Grandma and Grandpa J. He figured out how to sit on it and push himself along with his feet. A basketball hoop from his aunts and uncles--Dallin, Ginelle, Spencer, and Evan. He is fascinated with it. He loves his new books from Yvonne. He reads them all the time. Thanks again! He had a really great time at his party. He seemed to soak in the attention and understand that it was all for him. I didn't get any good pictures of him eating his cake, but if my dad got some, I'll post them later.

When should you let your child quit music lessons?

2009-07-07T21:25:00.007-06:00

I haven't had much time to blog lately between being in and out of town and all 3 of us getting sick (flu-like symptoms? don't worry, we haven't been quarantined...) Tonight I finally got a chance to sit down and catch up on some of my blog reading (which seems to be more important on my to-do list than, oh, lots of things...) and I came across a question on Lisa Belkin's NYTimes Motherlode blog that I wanted to answer. My answer turned into a short book, and I thought I would go ahead and post it here.

The question, from a reader:

I have a question about quitting music classes. My almost 5-year-old has started playing the piano, enjoys it and is pretty much self-motivating when it comes to practicing. My almost 7-year-old has started violin classes (at her own request), but she really needs to be pushed in order to practice, and will tell me that she does not like to play the violin, but once she does practice, she is usually fine, and even insists on finishing additional pieces and actually does quite well.

If it were up to her, she would quit right now though. We have rewards in place (a particular toy after x number of practices) and I also started practicing the violin so that it could be a joint activity. I do believe that learning to play an instrument is beneficial on many levels, and would like her to continue, however, there are limits to how long I will try to push her, since it is no fun for either of us.
Are there any music teachers/parents who can tell me if (and when) there will be a turning point when she starts to enjoy and appreciate it more — or will that day never come? Should I let her change instruments? (Piano will not be an option — I do not want her and her sister competing and comparing — and cello would seem to pose the same challenges.) She will be getting a new teacher after the summer, which might help, although she is skeptical.

My answer:

I grew up in a family where taking piano lessons was almost as important as going to church. I was the youngest and the only one who ended up becoming a professional musician, although all my siblings attained some level of proficiency. I am now a piano teacher, and strongly believe in the benefits of music study for kids (and adults). However, and this took me a number of years to understand (considering my upbringing and my chosen profession), there are lots of other ways for kids to get the same benefit!

What are the benefits of music study? Discipline, problem solving, focus, emotional expression, memorization, eye-hand coordination, time management, goal-directed behavior, performance under pressure...and I could go on. Couldn't many of these same skills be learned by playing soccer, learning to bake, taking art lessons, or building a computer? Think how many successful adults you know who never played a musical instrument. It's not a must. On the other hand, think of how many teenagers you know who study a classical musical instrument and are also into drugs?...not too many, I would guess.
The thing is, children are inherently attracted to music, but playing a musical instrument requires a great deal of work and discipline--a lot to ask of a young child! But it is also something that they are too young to really make a good decision about--they don't know whether in 10 years they will want to be able to play the violin or not, and the skills need to be learned now. So if, as a parent, you believe it is important, I would recommend you stick with it. If, however, it becomes something that is ruining your relationship with your child, it may not be worth it. There are other ways to get the same benefit.
I congratulate you on your own practicing of the violin. So many parents expect their kids to practice an instrument but the kids have never seen their parents do such a thing! So why would they want to do it? Example is a strong parenting influence. If you decide to stick with the violin lessons for her, I hope you will also sit with her while she practices (at her age, unsupervised practice could be worse than no practice at all), and make sure she practices consistently. Consistency is the biggest factor in a student's progress, and progress is the biggest motivator for a student to continue playing.
If you decide to let her quit, I hope you can find a way to do it that doesn't teach her that when things get hard, quitting is the answer. Instead, try to teach her that life doesn't have to be miserable, and it's okay to choose activities that you enjoy over those that you don't...but it is also important to make commitments and stick to them, even when it gets a little hard. The intrinsic reward that comes from doing what you said you would do even when you don't want to is huge!
One other thought--I would be careful about offering too many extrinsic rewards for her practicing. You might find the book Punished by Rewards by Alfie Kohn an interesting read. Let her discover the intrinsic reward of mastering a skill and making music. That's not to say I'm above bribery when it becomes completely necessary! Do what works, but help her enjoy the ride if possible.
Good luck, and know that whatever decision you make, it will be okay!

As I am reading through other comments and the original question again, I am realizing I could have gone on and on. But I won't, for now. :)

Perfect Day

2009-06-28T22:52:00.006-06:00

As part of an exercise to really determine who I am and what I want in my life, I wrote this description of my perfect day. Some of these things I already experience on a daily basis, others are things that I can only dream of at this point. But I thought I'd go ahead and share--sometimes saying stuff out loud (or in writing) lets the universe know that you're ready for it.

I wake up at 6:30 a.m., feeling well rested and ready to exercise.
The floors are freshly vacuumed and mopped, kitchen is clean, dishes are done.
I have time to exercise, shower, and get ready for the day before baby wakes up.
I have no problem deciding what to wear because I have tons of cute clothes, and I feel beautiful and thin.
The baby wakes up happy around 8 a.m., having slept through the night, and I can hear him talking and singing in his crib for a few minutes before I go get him.
There is a peaceful, happy feeling in our home.
I am a sparkling, funny, charming wife and mother, and Russell respects, admires, and appreciates me.
I am confident, competent, and secure in my marriage and parenting skills.
The kids respect, admire, and love me, and they talk to me about what is going on with them.
Russell spends a lot of time at home with the family because we have plenty of money, but he is always excited about his work and gets better and better at it every day.
Russell is happy and fulfilled, by work, family, and play; he also has time to work on his personal projects (web projects, music, etc.).
The kids are happy, and are always learning and discovering new things, coming up with new ideas; they are not afraid to work hard, try new things, make mistakes, and try again when they fail.
The kids know they are loved and that they can do anything they put their minds to; they feel free to be themselves; they make good choices because they want to, not because they are compelled to; they respect people and property; they are honest, and they take responsibility for their actions and their lives.
We all laugh a lot.
I get a lot done, but don’t feel stressed (obviously these things can’t all be done in one day, but some combination of them):
- time to work on internet projects:
  - strawbabypie (coming soon)
  - wholesome vitality blog (coming even sooner!)
  - inspired tunes (coming sometime)
  - personal/family blog (this is it!)
- time to work on other projects
  - scrapbooking
  - songwriting/recording
  - piano practice
  - charitable causes
  - Art City Music Academy projects
- time to take care of the house and garden (and the family helps out, too)
- time to relax
  - read a good book
  - spend some time outside (the weather is always beautiful in my perfect day)
  - get a backrub from Russell :)
- time with russell
- time to play with the kids and read to them
- time to give service
- time to spend with my sisters and other friends
The baby takes a long nap and wakes up happy.
We have healthy and delicious meals, and we don’t over-eat or have to deny sugar cravings.
Russell leads us in family prayer/scripture study/family home evening.
Bedtime routines for kids go smoothly and they are in bed on time.
I am in bed with russell by 10:00 p.m.
I am asleep by 10:30 p.m.

Tootsie Roll Pop

2009-06-24T11:23:00.003-06:00

He got into my purse, found this tootsie pop, and had the wrapper off before I knew it. I grabbed him before he got too sticky and stuck him in his chair, where he stayed occupied with his treat for almost an hour while I got dinner ready. He finished off the whole thing! In other healthier news, I have a couple of other blogs that I am going to start contributing to--one about natural health and one about everything baby. So I'll let you know when I post an article about what I feed my baby besides candy. :)

Hiking

2009-06-16T21:54:00.003-06:00

A couple of weeks ago we went hiking with some friends up to the cross on the mountain. Here is Dorian with his little friend (I won't use names since I didn't get permission to post this picture...) And here are my cute boys. Isn't that a nice view of the windmill farm in the background? The camera battery died before we actually got to the cross... It was a great little hike and we liked it so much that we decided to go hiking every week. Then it decided to rain for the past 2 weeks. SO we haven't gone again yet...but we're totally going to if it ever stops raining.

First steps

2009-06-08T18:15:00.003-06:00

This was taken on Friday. These aren't his very first steps, but this was the first day he dared take more than about two at a time.

Bittersweet

2009-06-06T22:59:00.000-06:00

I saw three of my best friends tonight. We all lived together in college, although never all four of us at once. Even after college when one went on a mission, another moved to New York, and the last two of us moved into a house with another roommate, we were still four. They were the kind of friends that you keep your whole life. They were the kind of friends that even when you don't see them for a year, you can get together and it's like you've never been apart. But I lost them. The semester I started graduate school, I also got engaged. I didn't have time for the girls anymore, and I foolishly assumed I could make up for it later. But when later came, I felt the damage was too great. I didn't know how to fix it. I knew I had made the choice to leave them behind, and I convinced myself that if they didn't care, then it didn't matter.

When I saw them tonight, we talked again like we used to. We laughed, we commiserated, we shared. I realized again how deeply I've missed them. And how deeply I regret not having been a part of their lives for the last 5 years. The three of them have managed to stay in each other's lives, despite living in three different states--one is in law school, another just finished her MBA, the third is heading into her 10th year of teaching junior high English. It's obvious they harbor no resentment toward me, but also obvious that I am no longer part of that circle. They are three now, without me.

Do I wish I hadn't gone to grad school? When I was in the middle of it, I wished I had never had the idea, but finishing grad school was absolutely one of the top 3 self-defining achievements in my life. Do I wish I hadn't gotten married? Of course not. Marriage is great. I adore my husband, and still wonder how I ended up with someone so darn cute. What I do wish is that I could have had the perspective that I have now; that I could have seen a way to go to grad school, get a husband, AND keep those girls in my life. It wouldn't have been that hard. A couple of nights a month would have been enough to let them know that I cared.

When my daughters get engaged, I hope I will be able to help them see the value in setting aside some time to hang out with the girls. It's so hard to see it when all you want to do is be with that wonderful guy that you're so in love with. And he is wonderful. But I miss those girls. A lot more than I have been letting myself realize. And I'm afraid it's really too late now to make up for lost time.

Jinx

2009-06-04T21:44:00.004-06:00

Dear Universe,

I'm sorry I said anything. I should never have so recklessly claimed that my baby was actually sleeping through the night. I take it back.

But...come on, don't I deserve a solid night's sleep after 11 months? I fail to comprehend why you continue to deprive me of this.

Yours,
Bonnie

Sleeping Through the Night

2009-06-02T22:50:00.000-06:00

So, a couple of months ago, a friend of mine (the lunch lady) offered to answer any questions her readers wanted to ask. Of course I asked her how to get my baby to sleep through the night. Here is her response to my question. She is one of my favorite moms in the world, and has darling children, so don't believe her when she says she's not qualified to give parenting advice.

So, first of all, no fair that she tried to refer me back to my own blog for the answer to my question! But second of all, it's okay. I know the answer now to this most-asked, most-unanswered question. Are you ready for it? The answer is that NOBODY KNOWS THE ANSWER TO THIS QUESTION. I hope that doesn't offend you. I think there are many partial answers to this question. I think there are many strategies that sometimes work, when a particular child is ready for them to work. I definitely believe that "sleep training," in its many forms, can be very effective. And perhaps, if you do just the right type of sleep training at just the right moment for your particular baby, you will get him sleeping through the night sooner than he otherwise might have done it. Maybe with my next baby I will have a better sense of what works and when to do it. Or maybe not. Having said all that, I am happy to report that Dorian has been sleeping very well the past couple of weeks. He is pretty consistently not waking up until 5 or 6 a.m., at which time I feed him and then he goes back to sleep until 7:30 or 8:00. While I am hesitant to proclaim final success, it really is starting to feel like this might be for real. Of course I would love it if he would just decide to sleep through that 5 a.m. feeding, but right now I am just counting my blessings that we can both still get a couple more hours of sleep afterward.

Ukulele

2009-05-30T21:47:00.003-06:00

Russell's mom has been watching Dorian a few hours a week while I teach so that Russell can have more regular work hours. These pictures were taken last week during the fun at grandma's house. That cute boy holding Dorian is one of (Uncle) Dallin's best friends, and also the son of my obstetrician. I know the pictures are a bit blurry, but I still wanted to share the cuteness.

Sushi

2009-05-21T10:58:00.004-06:00

Russell turned 27 on Monday, and we went out for sushi to celebrate. Dorian thought it looked pretty good. I always sort of try to ignore the way our ages look on paper between April 8 and May 18 every year. It's nice to only be 3 years apart again. Happy baby! (no, he did not really eat any sushi.)

My little guy is growing up

2009-05-14T07:37:00.004-06:00

Okay, this is my last Hawaii post. Then I'll have to think of something new to blog about!

All things considered, I think we made the right choice in taking Dorian with us on the trip. There were times when it was inconvenient (mostly at 2 a.m. when he wasn't sleeping), but I think he needed to be with us this time. Next time....we'll see.

He did seem to grow up a lot on the trip. Here are some things Dorian learned while in Hawaii:

he can sleep without being swaddled! yay! i am hoping that he will continue to get better at this. the time change, a different crib, an inconsistent nap schedule, and having to sleep in the same room with mom and dad all contributed to him getting about 10-12 total hours of daily sleep (including naps), rather than the 14-16 he was used to at home. so hopefully he'll be able to fall back into his old schedule, but without being swaddled.
he has also learned to sleep better in random places, if i am holding him--we'll see if that translates into sleeping at church....
he eats now! all the time. i feel like all i do is feed him. and he really prefers to eat whatever i'm eating. sometimes i can trick him into eating baby food if i feed it to him on real silverware. plastic baby spoons are for babies.
he is learning to use his teeth. he can take bites of bananas, bread, french fries, sandwiches, crackers...
he learned to like the sand, and got comfortable crawling around and digging in it. but the ocean still freaks him out a little (okay, this video is a little bit long...if you are pressed for time, skip to the halfway point because that's where it gets really good).
he likes to play peekaboo with strangers, and thinks that every new person he sees is his new playmate...as long as he has a good hold on his mom.
he learned to go up and down the one step in our condo. i haven't tested him out on a longer flight of stairs yet.
he got to know (great) grandma and grandpa well enough that he was okay hanging out with them sometimes while mom and dad went to play.
he learned to drink from a straw.
he is especially interested in doors and other things that open and close. he is figuring out how everything works.
he has become way more opinionated and impatient than he used to be. he knows what he wants, and he makes it known when he doesn't get it.
he likes to dance whenever he hears music or a beat.
he knows when i put my fingers on the corners of his mouth and squeeze a little, he is supposed to stick out his tongue to show me what he is (or isn't) chewing on.

Here are some things that haven't changed:

he still loves Coldplay.
he is still curious about everything and constantly getting into stuff.
he still eats everything he finds on the floor, and bites mom when he is tired.
he still likes to eat paper more than anything else.
he still wants to play with dad's computer more than any other toy.
he is still ticklish and thinks his dad is hilarious.
he is still the sweetest little guy, a happy, adaptable baby who is sooo good all the time.

Since we got home, he has been exploring and rediscovering the house. Hey, I like to pull all the tupperware out of this drawer! And pull the pots out of this cupboard! Look, mom's jewelry! And the garbage can! Dad's shelf of CDs! It's really fun to watch, although I am having to update my babyproofing because some of my old tricks aren't fooling him anymore.

Way too many pictures all in one post

2009-05-12T15:00:00.002-06:00

The Big Island of Hawaii is a very different experience from Kauai! The terrain is dominated by black lava rocks because of how much newer the island is. The last volcanic eruption on Kauai was something like 5 million years ago (okay, I'm making that number up), but there is an eruption occurring on the Big Island right now. It is actually kind of crazy; the vog is so thick in the air that as the sun is setting, you can look directly at it. The last time I remember being able to do that was in Riyadh on the dustiest days.

I took this picture from the restaurant at our hotel, where we ate dinner outside and watched the sun set. The patio was built over the water, so that we could watch turtles and eels in the water as we ate, and we even saw a whale in the distance for just a few moments. The sand on this beach was completely black; it was beautiful.
We couldn't get too close to the live craters or lava flows, partly because much of the state park was closed due to bad air quality, and partly because we didn't do the long hikes that take you into those areas. We did take a short walk through some cool lava tubes. Russell made this scary face because it was kind of spooky in there, and then the double exposure made the picture even freakier. This looks out over a big crater, and you can see a smoking crater in the distance.. Thanks to Grandma and Grandpa's participation in a very long timeshare sales presentation, we got tickets to a great luau. Dorian got to sit at the head of the table. Russell was looking tan. Grandpa doesn't look that excited, but he really was enjoying himself. They cooked this pig underground and then we ate it. Dorian was enthralled by the performers. The firedancer was especially good. This is the last picture I took in Hawaii. The airport in Kona is completely open to the air. So there you go. We had a great trip. We are grateful to Russell's grandparents for making it possible and for showing us around. We will definitely go back again.

Haena Beach in Kauai (and Lumahai)

2009-05-11T20:20:00.009-06:00

We are back home now, and I am finally getting around to posting the rest of our pictures. I know you're probably sick of hearing about Hawaii, but I have this compulsion to be complete in my record-keeping. Someday when I get around to scrapbooking these pictures, I will have to look up these posts to remember what is going on.

So anyway, I actually have a few more pictures from Kauai before I move on to the big island. This is at Lumahai Beach where the water was really too rough for swimming. You can see Russell standing down by the water in this picture, daring the waves to come and get him. After Lumahai we went down the road to Haena Beach, also known as Tunnels Beach. The waves were still pretty rough and not super friendly for swimming, but not dangerous like the ones at Lumahai. I tried for a few minutes, but gave up after I cleared out my sinuses with a nice dose of salt water. Russell was more persistent. These two pictures are of Russell getting almost smashed, and then totally swallowed up in the waves (he's in there, look closely). He loved it.

Grandma and Dorian. Dorian, finally getting comfortable in the sand. Here he is after he went swimming (I'll post a video in a day or two...it's good stuff).

Goodbye, Kauai

2009-05-04T01:12:00.020-06:00

We went on a helicopter ride to see the island of Kauai. It was pretty awesome. Dorian wasn't sure how he felt about all the noise and wind (and his life jacket) while we were waiting to go up, but he fell asleep pretty quickly once we got up there. The pictures don't do it justice, but you can get an idea of how majestic the island is. Most of the island can only be seen by air, by boat, or on foot. Next time we come, Russell wants to do the 11-mile hike that takes you through the mountains to a secluded beach. Sounds fun, right? That will be the trip that we don't bring the baby on. Here we are, after a great ride! Dorian woke up and didn't even know what he had missed. We did drive up for a different view of the Waimea "Grand Canyon" Another lookout point allowed us to see the ocean through a canyon in the Na Pali coast. The clouds were very cool. The next couple of pictures are random, but I didn't want to do a whole new post for them. This is Russell swimming at Poipu Beach, which ended up being my favorite beach. The water was beautiful and clear, and the waves were perfect for playing. And here is just one of the millions of chickens that run wild on Kauai. They love to pose for pictures. We really loved Kauai. We found some great beaches, ate some great food, and enjoyed the beautiful scenery. We hope to come back someday soon.

We are now on the big island of Hawaii for a few days before we come home. It is very voggy, and the black lava rocks everywhere are an interesting contrast to the jungle landscape of Kauai. I'm sure I'll have some pictures to post soon.

More Hanging Out in Hawaii

2009-05-01T17:59:00.004-06:00

On Wednesday Russell and I went on a tubing adventure while Grandma and Grandpa watched Dorian for us. The canal was on an old sugar cane plantation that is now owned by Steve Case. We didn't take our cameras, since they aren't waterproof, but the video on the website is pretty much exactly what it was like. Except longer. It was pretty fun.

Here is another cute picture of Dorian on some random beach at the hotel where we went to see a dinner show of South Pacific. Here are Russell and Grandma and Grandpa waiting in the lobby of the hotel before the show started. They actually let us bring Dorian to the show, and he was so good; he fell asleep in my arms after dinner and slept through the whole thing.

Ke'e Beach

2009-04-29T22:42:00.000-06:00

Ke'e Beach is the last beach you can drive to on the north shore, because the road ends before the wilderness area called the Na Pali coast. You can see the first cliffs of the coast in the background. What a sweet cuddly boy. See, he does like the beach! He has been adjusting to the new setting and sleeping much better than he did at first. In fact, he has finally learned to sleep without being swaddled! It just kind of had to happen, since it is too warm here to be wrapped up so tightly. So, hooray!

Anini Beach and a sunset

2009-04-28T23:20:00.001-06:00

These pictures are from yesterday. We took it pretty easy today, but did get to the beach for a few minutes. Maybe I will put up some more pictures in the morning when the baby gets us up at 6 a.m....or maybe not, if we decide to hike down to the beach for an early morning swim. :)

Our condo isn't right next to the beach, but we found a way to get to Anini Beach on foot. It's a pretty steep hike, but the scenery is cool.

Ready to go to the beach! Hanging out with mom on the beach. Falling asleep on the hike home. I don't know how to take a good picture of a sunset. Probably need a more expensive camera. This is the best one I got.

Hanalei Bay

2009-04-26T22:32:00.000-06:00

After going to the Princeville branch for church this morning, unsuccessfully trying to get Dorian to take a nap, and sitting through a 2-hour attempt to sell the grandparents more timeshare points, we finally made it to the beach this afternoon.

I wish we had gotten Dorian's first dip in the ocean on video...he hated it. You can see he didn't really love playing in the sand, either. He was still a pretty good sport about the whole thing, but I could see in his eyes that he was just hoping it would be over soon. The sand, the ocean, and the sun finally wore him out enough that he gave in to his tiredness and took a nap. On the beach. Russell and I took advantage of the chance to leave him with grandma and go play in the ocean. Cute sleeping baby feet. The gorgeous view of the mountains across the bay. It was awesome.

Flying to Kauai

2009-04-26T01:32:00.004-06:00

Dorian stole his dad's headphones so he could rock out to some tunes. He really did surprisingly well on the 6 and a half hour flight. Of course, when else does he get the undivided attention of both his parents and as many snacks as he wants, all day long? Here is Russell looking hot (duh) at the airport in Lihue, Kauai. Dorian isn't wearing pants because, well, it's too warm for pants here, and he's a baby, so he can get away with just taking them off. I had to keep mine on.

Dorian's New Stroller

2009-04-23T16:03:00.007-06:00

We got him an umbrella stroller for Hawaii. I guess he doesn't know he's supposed to ride IN it.

We have had a couple of friends offer to let us borrow push-walker toys for him, but I guess this is just as good. My favorite part is that his jeans are falling off.

So yes, we decided to take Dorian with us to Hawaii. We leave this Saturday! I plan on posting pictures periodically during the trip, so you'll still hear from us.

Healthy Meal Ideas

2009-04-21T13:04:00.008-06:00

Here are a few healthy-ish things we have been eating over the past couple of weeks that have been really yummy:

Pasta with pesto sauce, cannelini beans, and red peppers (follow the link and reference Sunday night's supper)
Pita sandwiches (whole wheat pita pockets with lunch meat¹, cheese, spinach, tomato, avocado, salt, and pepper)--for a second course, we each had a sandwich made with just the veggies, which was completely delicious in a whole different way.
Wraps (whole wheat tortillas with many of the same fillers as the pitas, but we also like to add cottage cheese and a light vinaigrette² dressing to our wraps)
Chicken marinated in balsamic vinegar and seasonings. Actually I think we ended up using the chicken in some more pita sandwiches, because they were just so yummy. But we have had this chicken on its own before, and it tastes really good by itself.
White chicken chili³
Salad bar (romaine and/or spinach, tomatoes, ham¹, cheese, avocado, red pepper, broccoli, salt and pepper, light dressing)--this was really just an attempt to use up all the veggies in our fridge before they went bad, but ended up being really yummy and I think we'll make it a weekly event.

Many of these meals incorporated a lot of veggies already, but we had steamed zucchini⁴ with the pesto pasta, and steamed broccoli⁵ with the balsamic chicken. The corn bread we had with the chili wasn't quite as healthy...but very yummy... :) We also had canned peaches and pears with the salad, and probably should have had more fruits with the other dinners (we are trying to eat apples and other fruits with our lunches). Of course, we also had nights where we ate spaghetti with garlic bread, grilled cheese and tomato soup, and cookie dough. So, like I said before, we are changing the way we eat, but...not to an extreme. :)

1. Lunch meat is not a universally healthy thing, but if you read labels, you can find some that is better than others. When we compared all brands at our local grocery store, we found the Buddig Deli Cuts and the Land O'Frost DeliShaved meats to have the fewest sugars and other unnatural ingredients.
2. We used a Kraft light balsamic vinaigrette dressing. I prefer the "light" dressings over the fat-free dressings, because the light dressings have very little fat or sugar, and often the fat-free dressings compensate for the lack of fat by adding a lot of sugar.
3. My mother-in-law's recipe:

In crockpot combine:
3 15-oz cans great northern beans
2 1/2 cups chopped cooked chicken (or canned)
1 cup chopped onion
1 tsp. garlic powder
2 tsp. ground cumin
2 cans chicken broth
Cook on low 8 to 10 hours or high 4 to 5 hours. Thicken with flour/water paste if desired. Serve with grated cheese.

4. I steamed the zucchini with a little bit of chicken bouillon, which added a lot of flavor but not a lot of fat (probably too much salt, if you're worried about that...)
5. I steamed the broccoli with lemon juice, salt and pepper.

Bath Time

2009-04-16T16:54:00.012-06:00

Healthy Eating

2009-04-13T16:45:00.002-06:00

As I said in my hCG weight loss post, Russell and I are making some big lifestyle changes in order to maintain and improve our health. Probably the biggest change, of course, involves changing the way that we eat.

I am sharing this with you because it has been a difficult journey for me, and I am still figuring it out. When we first got married, I had no idea what kind of meals to make (as a single person I had been used to eating frozen burritos, macaroni and cheese, and quesadillas for dinner most of the time). As time went on, I developed menus based on this system:

choose a meat
prepare it with a yummy sauce or in a creamy casserole, usually with lots of cheese
supplement it with a fruit or veggie on the side (on a good day)

As I have recently learned, this system is flawed in several fundamental ways:

Meat, while it contains protein and other good nutrients, also contains a lot of fat, and we eat much more of it than we need. A serving size of meat is about 4 ounces, or half of a medium-sized chicken breast. And we can get many of the same nutrients from eating beans, whole grains, nuts, and fish.
Vegetables, on the other hand, are loaded with nutrients, and have very few calories. A serving size of vegetables is much larger than what we usually eat (for instance, there are only 3 servings in one of those big pre-packaged bags of spinach). Our meals, instead of being meat-based with veggies on the side, should be vegetable-based with a little meat.
A good portion of the fat and calories that we eat comes from the sauces and condiments that we use. If we flavor our foods with spices and vinegars instead of creams and oils, we can cut down significantly on the calories and fat content of our meals.

So, I am in the process of redoing my menus. I am searching for healthy and tasty meals--hopefully ones that won't cost an arm and a leg, or take hours to prepare. I will share my finds with you (later...this post is already too long), and I would love it if you would share yours with me.

Now just in case you think I am as fanatic as this post makes me sound, I must admit that I still put sour cream on my burritos, and I still eat chocolate on a regular basis. We go out for cheeseburgers sometimes, and we eat ice cream when the urge hits. The difference is that we used to eat like that all the time, and now we are trying to shift the balance so that the majority of what we eat is healthy.

I have said before that I think we often focus too much on losing weight, and we are too hard on ourselves about the way that we look. I hope you don't see my efforts toward healthy eating as hypocritical in view of that statement. Rather, I hope you can see that I am concerned for the health of my family, and I am searching for realistic ways to stay healthy while still enjoying food, because I do think eating is one of the great pleasures in life.

He eats!

2009-04-12T00:41:00.000-06:00

Well, sometimes he does better than others. Yesterday he thought the sweet potatoes were pretty yummy.

I put that last little clip in there so you could see his little squinty-eyed courtesy laugh when he doesn't want what we're offering. Like, nice try, but you're kidding, right?

Dorian has been sick off and on for about 8 weeks now. He had a fever, a runny nose, a cough, another fever...and then an allergic reaction to an antibiotic and a bad ear infection. Throughout all this, he stopped eating well and lost 8 ounces. Fortunately, he is now almost done with his second antibiotic, the cough and the ear infection are gone, he is eating much better, and he has regained the weight he lost. Unfortunately that still only puts him in the 1.5th percentile for weight. Should we all just keep our kids home all winter? And ourselves? Or is this really "good for their immune systems," like we all keep hoping?

hCG Weight Loss

2009-04-06T15:30:00.003-06:00

Remember when Russell and I publicly declared our weight loss goals, and vowed to give you weekly updates? Holy cow, that was clear back in September. We figured posting it would give us accountability and keep us motivated. Well, it did, but I'm sure it's obvious that we got a little discouraged. We were exercising almost daily. We were trying to watch what we ate. In two months time, Russell lost 4 pounds, and I lost 2 and a half. We didn't really give up, but we stopped advertising our weekly weight on the chart.

Well, I have updated the chart, and moved it back up to a semi-visible spot there on the right...down a bit...see it? You will notice that over the last 6 weeks, Russell has lost 40 pounds. Wow, right? As he was designing and programming a website for one of his clients, Trielle Hormone Balance Centers (cool website design, huh?), he learned about a weight loss program that utilizes the hormone hCG (Human chorionic gonadotropin) to facilitate weight loss. Though it seems counterintuitive that the pregnancy hormone would cause fat loss, somehow it does. I asked Russell to write an explanation of how the diet works, and what his experience was like:

There are 2 parts to the hCG diet protocol:

Administration of the hCG hormone. The most effective way to administer this is by injection. I gave myself a shot for 40 days (6 days a week) in my leg (rotating injection sites). The shot didn't hurt, but it was weird to inject myself.
A very low-calorie diet. 500 calories a day. 100g of meat, 100g of veggies, a fruit, and a melba toast--that's a meal. I'd eat 2 meals a day. Oh--and drink a gallon of water.
Now before you freak out and get all concerned about starvation, let me explain how and why this works. There are 3 kinds of fat in your body: structural, normal reserves, and abnormal accumulations. When a person tries to lose weight by eating a lot less calories than they are used to, the body first gets energy from muscle (which isn't good), and then from normal fat reserves (they're easy to access). Only after you've lost about 20 pounds does the body start going after the abnormal fat. Which is why most people can lose 20 pounds easily, and then they hit a wall. It is also why when they stop dieting, they gain all the weight back--their body is replacing the fat that it NEEDS in order to function normally.
hCG teaches your body to burn ABNORMAL fat. While on the hCG protocol, the body actually burns about 4000 calories a day from abnormal fat reserves. You consume 500 calories for a net loss of 3500 calories a day--1 pound. The body is getting all the nutrition and energy it needs from the fat in the body (and the small amount of carbs, protein, and vitamins you are consuming--I actually ate a lot more fruits and veggies than I had ever been used to eating before). As a result, your body never goes into "starvation mode"--I never got shaky, I never felt weak, I never got a headache. Rather, I felt energized, healthy, and happy. I did get hungry (my stomach was mostly empty most of the time), but I actually grew to like this hunger, because I knew it meant I would be 1 pound lighter the next morning.
My weight loss wasn't consistently 1 pound a day--I had plateaus (especially at the end), but overall, I lost 40 pounds in 40 days! And it feels great!

I would like to add that the hCG protocol should be administered by prescription and under the close supervision of a licensed medical doctor. It's not for everyone, but we are grateful for it. Russell has been happier the last several weeks than I have seen him in a long time, and I can tell he feels really good.

I have been thinking a lot about how much we beat ourselves up about our bodies and our weight. I believe that maintaining our health is important, and sometimes that means we need to lose some weight. But there are times when a little extra weight is okay, and it is not necessary to feel guilty about a bowl of ice cream here and there. My mom always told me that if I breastfed my babies, the pregnancy weight would just melt away, but actually, my body seems to be hanging on to the extra weight, as if it is worried I won't have enough calories to feed the baby. I have lost 5 pounds since November, and I feel good about that, even though I'd still like to lose about 15 more. I can do it in a few months when I'm no longer supporting another life with my body. (Although I would like to look a little better in my swimsuit for Hawaii, darn it!)

Obviously, Russell and I are making some pretty big lifestyle changes in order to maintain the new level of health that he has achieved, and hopefully help him lose even more weight, as well as improve my health. I will be posting more about what changes we are making, and how we are learning to make healthy eating a regular part of our lives.

Computer Time

2009-04-05T12:01:00.002-06:00

Dorian loves to watch his daddy work on his laptop. But mostly, he just wants to start designing his own web pages. He doesn't get this opportunity very often...I guess we'll have to get him his own laptop in a few years.

Empty Bowls

2009-03-30T15:48:00.003-06:00

This past weekend my sister Carol participated in a Bowl-a-Thon for Clay Arts Utah. She threw thirteen bowls on a pottery wheel, which were trimmed and will be glazed by other artists. She also donated two bowls that she had already thrown, trimmed, and glazed.

The actual Empty Bowls fundraiser will be held Saturday, May 3, 2009 at the St. Vincent de Paul Resource Center. You can visit the Utah Empty Bowls website for details.

Basically, you go to the soup kitchen, pay $15 for a simple soup-kitchen meal, and get to take home a handmade bowl of your choice. Additional bowls can be purchased for $15 each. Proceeds go to Catholic Community Services of Utah, to feed the hungry.

As an aside, Carol has only made a couple of entries to her blog so far, but they are entries that I highly recommend. This world would be a better place if everyone would listen to her. I hope she writes more.

Ferber Sleep Training: Round 2Sleeping Through the Night

2009-03-20T17:08:00.007-06:00

Last week I decided it was finally time. Dorian is old enough to be sleeping through the night. We created some bad habits during the past few months of teething and illness, when I got up with him and fed him pretty much whenever he wanted. After he was feeling better, he sort of settled into a pattern of eating twice a night, around 2 a.m. and 6 a.m. This was not too bad, but I really wanted to eliminate at least the 2 a.m. feeding, and I knew he was finally feeling well enough that he could handle a little tough love. Here is my journal/log of the process.

Day 1. Bedtime is 8:00 p.m. Dorian wakes up a few times around 9, 10, and 11, but goes back to sleep on his own each time. At 2:30 a.m. he is decidedly awake. This is already a little later than usual, but I'm not giving in that easily. I let him cry until 2:45. I have a vague goal of getting him to last until at least 3:00 before eating. I check on him and he has wiggled out of his blanket. I wrap him back up (I have tried to stop swaddling him on several occasions, but keep going back to it because he sleeps so much better this way) and put him back down. He cries for a few minutes, then seems like he is going back to sleep...but is crying again by 3:00. I readjust my goal to at least 3:30. I know I may not get a lot of sleep tonight, but I am resigned to that, reminding myself that this is an investment in future sleep. I go back in, pat him on the chest for a few minutes. He stops crying and looks around, becoming drowsy again after a few minutes. He wouldn't be so easily comforted if he was really hungry, would he? I tiptoe out and start this blog entry. By 3:15 he is crying again, but it is half-hearted. He cries off and on until 3:30, by which time he is starting to get pretty upset again. Now I don't know...have we made good progress tonight, and I should go ahead and feed him, or will I just be teaching him that he has to cry for an hour in order to get me to feed him? I decide we can't do this all in one night, and I let him eat.

While he eats, he reaches his hand up to my mouth so that I can kiss the tips of his fingers. What tastes better than baby fingertips? When he is finished, he leans his head against my chest and cuddles for a few minutes. I will miss this. He doesn't cuddle like that during the day.

He sleeps until 8:20 a.m., at which point he wakes up happy and plays in his crib until 8:50 when I get him up. That was easy! But I know from experience not to start trying to predict a pattern from one night's events. So we'll see how this goes tonight.

Day 2. He is up at midnight, and I let him cry until 12:20 when I go in and wrap him back up. He goes right back to sleep. I stay up talking to Russell for another hour about the herbal supplements website he is launching this weekend. We are really excited. Why are my arms numb as I try to fall asleep again?

I wake up several times during the night, checking the clock and noticing that Dorian has slept past my new goal of 4:30, then 5:30. Finally at 6:45 I realize I am not sleeping. Could it have been this easy? Or is something wrong? Paranoid, I get up to check on him and of course as I open his door I wake him up. Someday I want to live in a house with silent doors and non-creaky floors. Anyway, since I have woken him up, I go ahead and feed him. As I put him back down, he is smiling and laughing at me. I love that big toothy grin. I get to go back to bed for half an hour before we have to get up to get ready for Russell’s little sister’s wedding. I don’t fall back asleep before the alarm rings.

At 9:30, we need to leave for the wedding, but Dorian is still asleep. There are very few things I will wake him for, but I guess Brianne’s wedding is one of them. I go in to wake him and feed him, and he is sleeping soundly. He doesn’t even stir until I start unwrapping him. After he gets over the initial offense, he is back to his sweet and happy self.

Day 3. He wakes up at 4:30 a.m. Not bad, but I have this 15-minute rule, so I wait until 4:45. I can hear him banging around a bit in the crib, so I know he is unwrapped. As I am walking to his room to wrap him back up, he stops crying, so I go back to bed. He is up again at 5:00, and I go ahead and feed him.

He is such a miracle to me, as he leans against my chest and looks up at me with such trust and contentment. I think he says “bye-bye” after I put him down, and I say it back. As I am getting into bed, I notice that Russell’s clock hasn’t been changed to Daylight Savings Time. I think...it would be nice to get that hour of sleep back.

Dorian wakes up for the day at 8:30 a.m.

Day 4. We are at a friend’s house at bedtime, so we put Dorian to bed in their currently-empty crib. He has some trouble sleeping in a crib and a room that is not his own. We bring him home and put him in his own bed around midnight. I am hoping the poor beginning to his night won’t ruin the rest of the night.

He wakes up briefly at 5:45, 6:20, and again at 6:45 when I feed him. He sleeps again until 9:30. Not bad at all. Why am I still exhausted?

Day 5. He wakes up at 5 a.m. I go in and wrap him back up at 5:15, and he falls back asleep within a few minutes. He is up again at 7:00 and I feed him. He sleeps again until 9:15. Is this the best I can expect, or will he eventually sleep all the way through? I’m not complaining. I know many other babies are up for the day around 7:00, so maybe that is more likely than actually sleeping until 9:00 without eating.

Day 6. Okay, nevermind tonight. He has a fever again, and his cough is back, but worse! He is up about 8 times in the night, and eats twice...No kickboxing for us in the morning; only cuddling. So I am putting this round of sleep training on hold for a bit longer until we can get over this illness. I am really pleased with how quickly he learned that he doesn’t need to eat at night. The one big obstacle we are still facing is the swaddling issue. He has learned to depend on being swaddled as his soothing technique, but he has also learned to wiggle out of his blankets several times a night. I have tried quitting cold turkey, I have tried transitioning him by wrapping him with one arm out, then both arms out, etc. but every time I think we are done swaddling, he kind of stops sleeping. I eventually get desperate and swaddle him again, and he sleeps beautifully. Until he wiggles out. Help!

Dorian Walks...sort of

2009-03-19T10:11:00.003-06:00

He started doing this the other day, and now it is his favorite thing to do. We don't have a high chair for him yet, so that is why he is eating cheerios off of a chair. The second clip is from Russell's little sister's wedding luncheon, and the soundtrack on the rest of the clips is courtesy of the keyboard demos that Dorian likes to turn on and leave playing for hours at a time.

Dorian's Favorite Things

2009-03-12T21:48:00.002-06:00

I don't think he's decided yet whether he prefers rock or classical.

Thanks

2009-03-08T23:18:00.006-06:00

I have been really touched by all of the advice I have received regarding our trip to Hawaii. I received comments from many close friends, from people that I didn't even know read my blog, and from people that don't even know me. Most of you put a lot of thought into your answers, and many of you made me laugh. I even received an offer to borrow a breast pump, which is a huge blessing. Besides the comments I received here, I got emails and facebook messages with even more thoughts and advice. You have been more helpful than I even imagined. I still haven't made a final decision, but I have begun to see that there will be positive results no matter what I choose, and that has given me a lot of comfort. Thank you for your generosity and your friendship.

I leave you with a glimpse into Dorian's life for the past month. He is 8 months old now:

Should I take my baby to Hawaii?

2009-02-27T12:21:00.016-07:00

Russell and I have been planning a 2-week trip to Hawaii in April 2009 since before Dorian was born. Russell's grandparents invited us to go along with them, and we have already purchased our plane tickets. I've never been to Hawaii, and Russell and I have never done a trip like this together. Dorian will be 10 months old when we go, and we have been planning all along to take him with us. I am still breastfeeding him, and do not want to wean him. However, the more I think about the long flight (5.5 hours one way, 7 the other...?), and the logistics of having him with us, the more I realize it will be really exhausting to have him along, and we will be quite limited in the activities we are able to participate in. On the other hand, my sweet mother-in-law has offered to keep him for the 2 weeks that we are gone (maybe I should check with her to see if the offer still stands, since I have already turned her down several times). I am starting to think about possibly beginning to consider this, even though it would mean pumping about 350 to 400 ounces of breastmilk, as well as taking the pump along so that I can maintain my milk supply. Does anyone have any advice for me? Have you done a long flight with a 10-month old (who may be walking by then, and will NOT want to sit on my lap for 7 hours)? Have you done a long vacation like this with a 10-month old? Will the 3-hour time difference be very hard for him to adjust to? Can you recommend a good electric pump? Do you think it is even possible to pump that much milk above and beyond what I already pump (I would need 7-8 extra ounces a day if I start NOW--I know I couldn't do it with my hand pump, but maybe with an electric one?)? Conversely, if I leave my baby for that long, will I do damage to our relationship? Will he wean himself if he is exclusively bottle-fed for two weeks? What if I supplement with formula? Will I just be a basket case, unable to enjoy my vacation because I am constantly missing/worrying about the baby? Also, he isn't sleeping through the night yet, and I don't know if he will be by then, which adds one more factor to the argument against both bringing him (I am fantasizing about 12 nights of uninterrupted sleep...) and leaving him with my mother-in-law (who probably doesn't really want to get up with him 2 or 3 times a night....)

Any advice you have would be great. Or if you know of other things I should consider that I haven't thought of. Thanks. :)

How to Get Rid of a Vacuum Cleaner Salesman

2009-02-21T21:50:00.000-07:00

So I come home from work the other night and there is a Kirby vacuum cleaner sitting in my living room. My husband has this defeated look on his face. I can tell it hasn't been a good afternoon.

Fun story: Russell had just put the baby down for an afternoon nap. He had a project deadline coming up and was going to try to get some good work done while the baby slept. A few minutes later, the doorbell rang. Russell answered it (mistake #1). A very nice sales guy asked if he could do a vacuum cleaner sales presentation. Russell told him we don't have any money to buy a vacuum. The guy said, "that's okay, I get $20 just for doing the presentation." Russell asked how long it would take and the guy said 15 minutes. Russell thought, I can give up 15 minutes of my time to help this guy make $20. He let him in (mistake #2).

It took the guy 15 minutes just to put together the vacuum cleaner. Russell didn't tell him his time was up (mistake #3). Instead, he listened to the presentation for AN HOUR AND A HALF. Not only that, but about halfway in, the vacuum WOKE UP THE BABY. He was a nice guy, but apparently one without kids, because he made no apology for waking up the baby. What he didn't realize was that not only had he robbed Russell of precious work time while the baby was napping, but he also made it impossible for Russell to get anything done for the rest of the evening, because the baby was cranky from having been woken up early from his nap! Aargh.

To top it all off, when the presentation was over, instead of packing up his vacuum and leaving, he told Russell he wanted to leave the vacuum here so that I could try it out, and that he would come back at noon the next day to talk to both of us, because (you guessed it) he gets even more credit if he pitches the husband and wife together. Russell let him leave it. (Mistake #...what are we on? I hope it doesn't sound like I was upset at Russell. I wasn't. I was super peeved at the salesman and the way he had taken advantage of Russell's kind nature.)

Well, whatever he thought was going to magically happen overnight to make us spend $2100 on a vacuum cleaner DIDN'T HAPPEN. Don't get me wrong, it's a great vacuum. It got all kinds of crap out of my carpet. He even cleaned a spot of tar out of the carpet with his carpet cleaner (that alone made me feel much better about the whole thing). If I had the money, I would buy it all. But the truth is that right now we have very different financial priorities; things like the mortgage, utilities, food, and clothing. A new vacuum is so far down the list I can't even see it with a telescope.

I steamed about it for hours that night. I couldn't sleep. I wanted to really tell the guy off. You come in here, make up stories about getting $20 just so we'll let you in, lie about the length of your presentation, take my husband away from his work, wake up the baby, ruin the whole afternoon, and now you want to talk about 12 months same-as-cash financing? YOU DON'T GET TO WASTE ANY MORE OF OUR TIME. We should have just not answered the door and kept the vacuum, no? Would have served him right.

I was much nicer than all that. I made Russell promise to stay in his office. Vacuum guy rang the doorbell, and I told him, "I'm really sorry you had to come back today. I'm not going to listen to your presentation." Of course, then it took him 15 minutes to pack up his vacuum, during which time he tried to make friendly conversation, and I remained awkwardly untalkative. No, I didn't use the vacuum. Yes, Russell is here, but he is working. Yes...Russell is pretty nice, isn't he? I'm sure he left thinking, poor Russell. He has to live with that b!@#%y woman, and he's such a nice guy...

I know. Most of you didn't know I could be like that.

Petroleum Coke Plant in Woods Cross

2009-02-20T16:57:00.001-07:00

If you live in Davis County, or even if you don't, please take a few minutes to read my sister's blog post on a new power plant in Woods Cross that will release harmful toxins into the air with serious health consequences for the residents of the area.

My Boys

2009-02-14T09:23:00.000-07:00

I love these boys. They're the best.

Every moment is precious

2009-02-11T09:35:00.000-07:00

So thoughtful... Overexposed, I know, but I love the colors. Don't you just want to eat him up? So glad he got Russell's long dark eyelashes, and not my shortish blond ones. Can life just be this good forever?

So Proud

2009-02-09T16:09:00.002-07:00

He's so proud of himself. Me too. He's learning that it's okay to fall.

Music Classes for Kids

2009-01-30T11:35:00.007-07:00

I think he's about ready to start lessons, what do you think?

Actually, I'm not kidding. We are hoping to start his first music class next week. It's called Mini Mozart and is taught at the Art City Music Academy. They have music classes in Springville, Orem, American Fork, and Draper for children ages 6 months to 10 years. Parents participate with their children, and the kids learn developmentally appropriate skills. In the youngest classes, they do things like movement to music, playing on rhythm instruments (drums, tambourines, maracas, bells), singing, and learning to wiggle their fingers on the keyboard. By the time they are 3, they are doing imitative rhythm and keyboard exercises, as well as beginning to recognize musical symbols. Besides these musical skills, they are also learning socialization skills such as sharing, taking turns, following a routine, putting things away, and just having fun with other kids.

The 5-10 year-old classes are piano classes, where they learn to read music and apply all their musical knowledge to playing actual pieces. The classes are designed to accommodate students who have been in the program for years, or beginners who have never had any musical experience.

Sorry, is this sounding like a sales pitch? I've been teaching at this Academy for almost 10 years, and I really believe in the program. If you want your kids to be serious about music, this is the place to go. If you just want your kids to have a fun, enriching experience that will aid them in learning important life skills, this is the place to go.

Besides all that, I am hoping someone with a baby (6-17 months) will want to do the Tuesday morning (10:45) class in Springville with me...and will want to give me and Dorian a ride... :)

class schedule
info on tuition and fees
frequently asked questions
myths about group music study

Green beans everywhere

2009-01-24T21:38:00.004-07:00

I know what you're going to say. Go ahead and say it. This part of motherhood does not amuse me. Not until several days later when I am looking at the pictures and I see those bright, innocent eyes peering at me from behind the mess.

Four Years

2009-01-15T10:54:00.001-07:00

January 2005 (we got married): April 2006 (we gave our recitals and graduated from BYU): December 2006 (we grew out our hair): May 2007 (we built a house): June 2008 (we had a baby): December 2008 (we cut our hair): Russell and I have been married for 4 years now. What a good husband. He has loved me through some pretty rough times (specifically: grad school. pregnancy). I love so many things about him. No matter what kind of a day he is having, he always has a smile for the baby. I love how playful and gentle he is with Dorian--such a good dad, who wants to make sure his baby has all the opportunities he didn't have. He is always willing to help out with the baby or the house when I ask. He is always analyzing himself and figuring out how he can do better and be happier. He is brilliant when it comes to learning new things, and can do anything he puts his mind to. I love how he always asks me for feedback when he is writing a piece of music or designing a logo or a website. He respects my opinion, even though he is the expert. I love the conversations we have on all kinds of topics. I love how comfortable he makes me feel about the way I look--I never felt more at home in my own skin than I have since I got married. I love how easily he forgets my mistakes--I can do something completely stupid, and by the next day, it's like it never happened.

It's been a good four years.

Sometimes you just need the right motivation

2009-01-11T18:16:00.004-07:00

Dorian loves cell phones. So much so that we gave him his own to keep him from always eating ours. But the other night when I was on my way home from teaching, I called Russell. He had me on speaker phone, and when Dorian saw Daddy's cell phone light up and heard Mom's voice coming out of it, he just decided he had to have it.

Tasha

2009-01-08T20:25:00.005-07:00

I know dogs are good for kids. I'm really just not a dog person. I had a dog, when I was a kid, that I got on my sister's birthday (I know, right? Ask her, sometime, how she felt about that). He was really cute, and I played with him and stuff, but he was smelly and lived outside. I really want to be one of those moms that doesn't allow her kids to have pets. Isn't that a terrible ambition?

Anyway, I try to let Dorian have plenty of exposure to other people's dogs. For instance, my mom's dog, a Lhasa Apso named Tasha, is the best dog ever. She doesn't smell bad, doesn't shed, and doesn't drool. I'm not even kidding. Plus, she climbs in your lap and cuddles. I could almost take her home, if it weren't for the middle-of-the-night pee trips and the chewed-up blinds if you leave her alone for more than a few hours. Dorian was very intrigued. He also liked my grandpa's dog, Butch. He wasn't quite as cuddly, but when he barked, Dorian thought it was the funniest thing ever. Good thing he laughs at lots of things, or else I'd have to get a barking dog, just so I could hear that laugh every day.